Christmas

As I sit at the office listening to Christmas carols, I wonder where my xmas spirit is... Been trying hard to find it, but nothing. Finished most of my Xmas shopping during cyber Monday. Finished all the cards yesterday. I even went a bit extra and decorated them myself. With much help from Youtube videos. Have the last 2 packages wrapped and ready to drop off at the postal services today.

But all of that was done on auto mode, more like an obligation than something else. :(

I miss being a child and looking forward to Christmas. To be eager to spend my little savings on gifts for my loved ones. No one expected anything and they were happy that i actually spent what i had gathered in small tokens for them. And it was all about the food and family.

And, once again, i have neither my family or our food for Christmas. So bah for it...

Update

Since I last wrote a number of things have happened. To be fairly honest, none that would stop me from updating my own diary, but i guess i can make my own rules if I want to.

Biggest thing that happened was the visit from my teenager niece, with her mother. It was their first time visiting the states, so we spent a fair amount of time visiting tourist attractions in Minnesota. Got to see the Science Museum, and it really is great. For sure a place to visit more timely some other time.

It was great having them around, especially my niece, whom I love with all my heart. I love her mother, but i wish i could of had my niece all to myself for that time. Just to spoil her even more than i already do. I was even ready to spend countless hours at shopping malls and beauty stores, since those are her true loves... But it came to an end :( Now to wait for the next visit...

After that visit there a dark period, where there was no work at the office and I got to stay home waiting for a text telling me to come in... Those were boring days. Mixed feelings really, since it is nice to stay home and relax, but stressful at the same time, since income is always a plus.

November rolled in and some work showed up, just enough for me to have what can be considered a part time. And that is where I am right now.

Christmas is just around the corner, most of the gifts were purchased during Cyber Monday. Can't just ignore a good sale, when those gifts have to be purchased any way. Now there are all on their way to the locations designated. Still missing a couple gifts for the american side of the family, but inspiration for those didn't came in quite so naturally... Maybe closer to Xmas, when I actually have to do it and peer pressure will set off my Christmas spirit. 

In the meanwhile, my 7th US anniversary came and went, with no notice from anyone but myself. Guess it makes sense, since I am the one it impacted. My gift to myself was to go to Sephora and buy some foundation so I wouldn't look like a tired raccoon on Thanksgiving dinner. Ended up talking to a nice gal that works there and she gave me the Sephora birthday treat for my US anniversary. That was nice. :) Big fan of Sephora now!

Oh, btw... used foundation for the dinner party. My mistake was to also use a concealer that a friend gave to me and is too light for my skin tone.... My hubbie renamed me Casper for the day, so that should give an idea on how well my make up turned out.

And I think this sums up the past few months.

Will try to update more often, just for shits and giggles on my part.

Chocolate

Because that is all I can think of. Chocolate cake. Chocolate mousse. Chocolate cupcakes.... Anything chocolate, other than chocolate itself.

Red Devil

And that about sums it up! I had this entire post lined up in my mind since yesterday, when I had to stay home because I couldn't stand up straight. And since there wasn't much to do at work I gave myself the day off to stay home, take some Midol and curl up in the couch. And eat Swiss Rolls. And avoid killing the poor hubby.
But Google provided this .gif that sums up so well the feeling that it would be a shame not to use it (thank you to whomever made it available).

Today I came in to work, no Midol intake since the thing makes me drowsy. And then I forgot the office key, so I got to sit in the car waiting for someone to show up and open the door. And since there isn't much to do I sit here, waiting for bids to come in. And hoping the bosses will show up with chocolate donuts... One can hope, right?

Under-19 EURO

Proud of my home team! Good job boys!

TGIF

When the alarm clock rang this morning I lost a bit of my soul. Because I strongly believed it was Saturday and I could have a lazy morning in bed or the couch. But the alarm clock and the confirmation on the phone screen that it was in fact a week day crushed those dreams.

Making it sound a lot worst than it really is. I am in fact having a lazy day, but instead of being home I am at work. No bosses around, work is on track, with nothing much I can do at the moment other than wait. So here I sit, glancing at the usual bidding websites, checking the email and waiting for lunch time!

I think i owe much of my "not-bitchiness" at our new mattress and the good rest I've been getting. Between my new found will of power to do those darn stretches, a nice warm shower and the comfy bed, I have been falling asleep before midnight. And that means that i get to sleep 8h or fairly close to it. Does wonders for my mood!

And on this note I finish this post, since the non bitchy ones are so few and far in between!

Time to get ready to enjoy the weekend!

"The Game" - final chapter

Last weekend marked the end of a year and a half on addiction.

Hubbie and I talked and decided the game was no longer fun and had become a pain instead of a fun activity.

Constant PC crashes, several bugs, messed up queuing system, ridiculous drop rates, plain rude and entitled people... Just a short list of the things we realized were bugging us and ruining the experience for us.

So on Friday, July 20th we shut down Neverwinter. We both plan on going back one last time, to strip our account of goodies and give them to a guildy. But he is out in is vacation, so no point in logging in for now.

Part of me feels sad for all the time (and money) we invested in that game to just give up, but the biggest part of me is happy to have weekends, nights and mornings back. To be able to spend a leisurely Sunday, just reading on the couch, watching TV or just plain resting.

On to find a new game we enjoy. Or to dig up one of our board games and give it a go!

15 + 15 + 15 (!!)

The saga continues! 3 days on a row, this may be a new record. Both for the continuing "exercise" and for writing about it. But since this is the equivalent of an online diary, i guess i can brag to myself and leave for posterity that i actually kept on trying, if only for a short period of time.

So yesterday i did the usual stuff and decided to add an extra set. Ventured in the painful world of leg lifts. Why did I do it? Not really sure, but somehow it felt right. Or the right thing to do, since physically it didn't feel right at all. Ended up being a broken down 15, since every 5 I had to lower my heels back to the floor. Call it being naive, but i thought those would focus on leg muscles. My bad, since the first 3 proved me it engages abdomen muscles instead. And I have none of those.

Planning on making these a regular thing, since I just saw on a YouTube video (not a very reliable source of information, but i'll take it!) where the guy said the more we try, the better we get at it. And that seems to be a lesson to work in many aspects of day to day life.

Hubbie yesterday called my "routine" a "circus act". Said it in a playful tone. Or I hope that was the meaning. It hasn't been long enough for it, but i feel mildly proud of keeping up with it. For lack of better incentive I have to keep telling that to myself.

15 + 15 (day 2)

Somehow I mustered the courage to repeat the feat yesterday!

Not without some good old fashioned procrastination i must add.

Got home and hubbie was cleaning the garage. I helped him out a bit. Then being a bit sore and tired got the best of me and ended up taking a cat nap before dinner. Then I had the excuse of a full belly not to move. But before bed time I convinced myself to actually do the stretches and the push ups and sit ups. Only 15 of each. I know that doesn't do much, and it's not a proper exercise plan. But they are baby steps. If i demand too much of myself in the first days, the motivation and self control will go out the window a lot faster. So I will keep this up. Or try to.

Luckily I got a nice rest tonight, so my muscles had the chance to rest and relax. Today I only feel a slight discomfort when moving my arms.

Per a quick google search, the modified push up (the one I currently do for lack of strength to do the standard one) works the chest muscles. So I must do something well, because those are the ones that are sore.

The website also says that I should be doing around 200 push ups a day to be considered a work out... That ship will take a while to sail!

15 + 15

In a moment of insanity, I decided it would be a good idea to do some daily stretches and burn like half a calorie. That moment happened late Sunday, so yesterday after getting home from work I oddly followed through. And I did the above referred stretches. And went crazy and did 15 sit ups and 15 push ups. Figured that would be a low enough number to get me going and not make much of a dent. Mostly because during my last... exercising phase (?) , I was up to 3 series of 15. I should add that that happened what seems like a lifetime ago.

As soon as I did the first 2 push ups I knew I couldn't go past the 15 and even those would be stretching it. My arms simply refused to continue. It was more of a mind over matter kind of deal. Pure stubbornness. That being said, I did finish the 15. And I do feel it today. Arm muscles are sore. Not in a debilitating way, more like a "what the fuck have you done to me bitch" kind of way.

And I think I am OK with that for now. I actually plan on repeating the activity later today. Maybe go for 15 + 15  sit ups, since those weren't nearly as hard.

The joys of having more free time! (explanation on that later)

#%%$^

Should I be worried - the update

Everything is OK. Company still going. On the 4th day someone showed up!

In the meantime I have been actually working and trying to find proposals for projects. To be totally honest I think we won't be getting any of these projects, but we carry on trying...

Today is Tuesday. Not Monday. Doesn't mean that the Monday blues aren't in. Wishing i was home lounging in the couch. So sleepy it's not even funny... YAWN

Should i be worried?

Two days since I've had zero contact to anyone else at the office. No phone calls, emails, text messages, smoke signal, carrier pigeons... nothing!

I wonder if they decided to close out and forgot to tell me, like some old piece of furniture left to rot?

In the meanwhile I will continue doing my job, but it is still a bit odd...

Slow days - update 1

A project did show up on my email. But it is one of those that we are just invited to bid for the sake of bidding, close to zero chance of getting the project. So here I sit, calling subs in the hopes of finding someone willing to put in the time and effort to quote this for us. Selling something i really don't believe. I have something to do, true, but it still feels like a time filler.

Feels like a great opportunity to have mini boss take over and start making some calls... but he isn't here. No one but me is here. Can't blame them, if I had the choice I wouldn't be here either.

Doesn't help that i am extremely sleepy.... I really could use a 12h nap...

Slow days

When at work, it's nice to have something to do. Just to help pass the time. I don't mean to be overwhelmed with tasks, but to have enough to keep me busy for a few hours. Sadly that is not the case at the moment.
We are only dealing with small little projects that the mini boss is looking over and some warranty stuff that the big boss is dealing with. That leaves me with little to nothing to do. Send a couple of emails, answer a phone call... and kill time... Since I get paid by the hour worked, that leaves me with mixed feelings: should i stay here just in case and get paid or do I just go or stay home due to lack of work? Been trying to compromise and not do full days, staying for only a couple of hours... I will have to discuss this with the bosses so we reach an agreement. Don't want them thinking i am taking advantage of their good will, but I also don't want them to think i am trying to steal their money!

This morning when the alarm clock rang, I felt like I had sand bags sitting in my eyes. Waking up was a true pain. Thought about calling it a day and staying home, but calling it with such short notice wasn't really right. And now I sit here, waiting for an email and playing games on my phone... just isn't right.

Fairly certain that after I bitch about this, a number of projects will show up on my email... fingers crossed!

About Portugal

It really was wonderful to see my people. To be with them. To be able to reach out and touch them.

There was no sightseeing, not tourism, I just spent time with my loved ones. Hubbie was probably bored out of his mind, but he was a sport about it. At some point he even gave up on the social outings, and just stayed at my parents playing on the laptop. They were his vacation too, so he got to do whatever he wanted!

As always, time seemed to fly. It probably did. But i tried to enjoy it as much as i could. There was a few days of tension, because hubbie didn't want to go look at houses for sale as I wanted. Left me wondering WTF he is thinking and if or when we are actually moving there. I tried to take my mind off of it while there, so I could enjoy the time, but now we will need to talk about it.... Kind of dreading it, so procrastinating as much as I can.

The weather was not on my side and i didn't get to go swimming. Or using most of the clothes I had planned on, since it was kind of chilly. But chilly there is still warm when compared to MN Winter/Fall/Spring, so no complaints!

I must say I dislike flying. I don't like the airport wait, the long hours confined in the airplane, the jet lag... But it is all worth it in the end!

Dealing with tantrums

I apologize in advance to the poor soul who found this blog in a search for how to deal with difficult or stubborn child. This is not the right place for that.

What follows is a rant about grown-ups that behave like children.

- At work one of our clients, who is an idiot, refused to shake mini boss' hand today. This because mini boss dared to send an email to one of the guys co-workers asking for a revised PO. Since mini boss emailed the accounting person, seems like he did nothing wrong. But per the client that was a huge disrespect and cause to halt new projects with us. Also cause to be rude to mini boss. I just can't understand how a self respecting professional works like that. How he can plainly ignore someone you are working for/with you. All the emails he send are addressed to me, even if mini boss is the one responding. As stated, client is an idiot. But if I am not mistaken, he won't be a client for much longer...

- Miss S sent me a couple of messages on Whatsapp, very passive aggressive saying i had no business telling her ex that she was in love with another guy. Seems he called and told her someone had told him and she instantly assumed i had been the one. And I was pissed. At her for believing i would tell him something she told me and at him for making it sound like i did. I told her I would send her snaps of our full convo if she needed proof. My bottom line is a lesson to me of just staying out of it all and not talking to either of them.

- POTUS. Because he is a prime example of a grown up behaving like a spoiled toddler. For more info just refer to anything posted by him on Twitter.

This being said, I am currently the holder of a massive head ache and feel as grumpy as it gets. Over things i mostly can't control, but still disgust me.

About jealousy and relationships

A quick search on Google defines jealousy as:

1. jealous resentment against a rival, a person enjoying success or advantage, etc., or against other's success or advantage itself.
2. mental uneasiness from suspicion or fear of rivalry, unfaithfulness, etc., as in love or aims. 
3. vigilance in maintaining or guarding something. 

Doing a honest assessment of myself, and with much input from my mother over many years, it seems I was jealous of my brother while growing up. Reading the first definition, I guess there was some resentment over the love he got from my mum. Looking back I am not proud to admit it. It never affected our relationship and we were always friends. I always loved my brother to bits. But still the resentment was there. I also have been told that my brother was in fact the golden child and got a bit more loving than myself, but it's no excuse regardless. It is still a bad feeling and should have no place. 

Being in a relationship, I am fortunate enough to trust my hubby enough not to have that "mental uneasiness from suspicion or unfaithfulness". It feels foreign to admit it, but I realized it's the truth. 

But others aren't as lucky. And it brings me to what motivated this post.... 

A bit of context: playing Neverwinter we get the chance to run content with other players. Doing that we started running quite a bit with a couple from Germany. They were nice and friendly so we became what can be called as virtual long distance friends. For the sake of clarity, lets call them Mr. S and Miss S. They weren't married, but had a long time relationship and children. And the use of past in the verb is correct. 

Before our Portuguese vacation Miss S has complained about Mr S jealously. That he didn't trust her and was too insecure about her feelings and that it was very off putting. As someone who had been called jealous all her life, I tried explaining to her that it was hard to control and it had more to do with our own anxiety and feeling of being inadequate than anything else. 

During our vacation, Miss S messaged my hubby saying they were broken up and there was no way back. Mr S also messaged me and told me the same thing. He even said he had done some things that he wasn't proud of, and that the jealousy got the best of him. 

Yesterday Miss S messages me and says she is head over heels over this "new" guy. That she knows him from work and they have been talking for a while. That he was very supportive during the break up. That he is everything she wants. Everything and more, since he has a girlfriend... 

Also yesterday, Mr S messaged me and asked if I had been talking to her, and asking if she had told me about this guy she is in love with. Not only was I stunned that they both decided to bring the topic up on the same day, I couldn't believe that Mr S knew about that, when my naive mind felt that it should be something kind of private of Miss S. 

So I ask her if there was any way of Mr S know of this (ok... i thought he had her FB password and was reading her private chats) and she tells me he was always jealous of that guy and was just guessing. 

And it all comes full circle and lets me wondering... was Mr S really jealous or was he reacting to her own shift of feelings and unfaithfulness? Even if she never got physical with the new guy, all the messaging (hence her not wanting to disclose to him who she was texting) kind of counts as cheating by my book. And now Mr S is the one without a home and without being able to see or talk to his kids because she can't stand him... Somehow it doesn't seem fair at all. 

Even without wanting to take sides I am team Mr S on this. He took care of her and her eldest children. He loves her and them. And then he was kicked to the curb and left with nothing when someone shinier showed up and swept her away. Regardless of that new one being in a relationship.... 

There, end of rant for now. Most likely i am wrong in my assessment. There are other things I am not aware of. I am a terrible person. Whatever. Just wanted to get it out of my chest... 

Update on sickies

Just for future reference: I am still coughing and the eyes are still itchy. I will blame that on the usual Spring allergies. 

Hubby might still live. He traded the bed for the couch yesterday and even found the strength in him to play for like 20 mins...   

He is still recovering, but nearly not as dire as he makes it sound like. But sure, if that is what takes him to feel better, why not... 

On the bright side: not playing Neverwinter intensively has allowed me to finish reading a full book! The joy of laying on the couch reading is something i tend to forget to easily. Wonder if I will be able to start another today or the man will be OK enough to resume gaming activities... 

The joys of the common cold...

... can't name any at the moment...

Managed to share mine with hubbie, that took it upon himself to be all bitchy and moody about it...

Yeah, it was my plan all along to catch a cold, feel miserable for an undetermined period of time and give it to you so you can also feel that way. The difference is that you get to stay home in bed moping and I have to come to work. And after i get to go home and resume normal tasks, like eating, talking, housework...

I am happy that he can stay in bed and do his healing process... just not happy at all about his attitude towards me. What's with the angry demeanor? I am truly sorry he is sick and feeling bad, but why should I have to take shit from him for it?

Hate wanting to stay at work on a Monday just not to deal with Mr. Grumpy...

TGIF

Come on Friday hours: run fast and allow me to go home and take a 48h nap!

So much work to do, so little energy to do it... But i am giving it my all just by keeping my eyes open instead of laying my head on the table and catch a few zzzz... Stupid allergies/sinus infection/cold...

Back

And we are back from vacation!

At work with a major cold. Cough, stuffed nose, trouble breathing, ...

So i would really like to talk about my vacation and how nice it was. But all i really want is to ride out the 8h at work and go back to bed... and  i can't even do that, since we have a birthday dinner to go to today.

😓😢

T - 5h

And my vacation will start! 3 full weeks without having to come to work!

In all honesty, by now I am only counting down time and not doing much. Just ridding it out and pretending to be busy.

Next week I get to fly out to Portugal and finally see my people. See my country. Smell the ocean. Eat good food. Hopefully get some nice vitamin D.

There is a bit of regret for having to leave my kitty here, quite alone when compared to her usual routine. Hubbies nephew will take care of her. He agreed to go over and feed her and clean her litter box and all that stuff. Just hope he decides to sleep over so she doesn't spend so much time alone. Also hope she takes to him instead of hiding for the duration of the trip....

She will be fine. She will be well taken care of. And she will forgive our absence and not to try to kill us as soon as we return. It would be perfect to be able to take her with us, but that will be a struggle for when we move permanently!

Shouldn't feel guilty over leaving her home "alone". It's much better than leave her at the vet hospital, caged in a 3' x 3' cage, surrounded by weird sounds and spaces, while being sprayed with some sort of calming stuff. Home is better. Where she is safe and comfortable!

T - 4h 53m 👀

Thanks a lot MN framers and plumbers....

The title says it all... And it's filled with sarcasm.

Shinny new project in Minnesota. Fairly close to the twin cities. Send out the bid invite with plenty of time. Then reminder to bid. Bid day comes by and where are the bids? Nowhere to be seen.

WTF??!

How difficult or time consuming is it to reply to the email saying "not bidding"? Or just click the "no" box on the website? I understand being busy and not being able to bid. But i don't understand not having the common courtesy of responding. It is just plain rude and disrespectful. I won't even go into the marvelous world of voicemails, where 1 call back out of 12 voicemails left is a very good average.

That being said, the ones that actually respond or call back are fucking rock stars! If they take 30 secs out of their day to actually respond and they choose to bid, I am going to place their bid first on my list.

Not wanting to run a foul mouth here, but i hate most of these dickheads that i am about to call, pretending to be all sweet and accommodating. And know this: when i say "thank you and have a good day" what i really mean is "Fuck you! i really didn't need to call you again if you had taken a few seconds of your time in the first place. Now i just spent 2 mins of both our days to nag you about this... again!"

[Recognition] "The Game" - vol. 3

According to the definition shown on the Cambridge English Dictionary online, recognition can have a knowledge and an appreciation meaning.

Yesterday, while running Cradle of the Death God , queue leader sends me a tell confirming if I speak Portuguese. I've ran content with him before, so i'm sure at some point if came up. I confirm that i do, and we switch from English talk to Portuguese. So he starts explaining that a Brazilian buddy from his guild started playing a scourge warlock and was asking for advice on alliance chat. He wanted to talk to a good experienced SW to give him pointers. And then random people told him he should reach out to Mika for that. Seems like different people had crossed paths with my little warlock and felt I would be a good fit to help him out. My Brazilian friend said he knew me and could get us in touch. And so he did.

All this to explain that it was really nice to feel recognized in game. Learning that my name is known and my game play as well. I am not even close to where i want to be with her, still a long way to go, but i must be doing something right. It is such a nice change of pace to have people ask for my SW to run content, to have them pm me instead of having to get my foot on the door thru hubbies toons (yeah, that happened a couple of times).

Recognition in this case was good! Even if i try to keep a low profile and make myself mostly invisible (both RL and online), it's nice to get a word of appreciation every now and then.

Sickies

The office today sounds like some sort of sad hospital waiting room on a slow day. Or maybe the sitting room at some retirement home. And these are references based on my Portuguese experience, since I am lucky enough to not know how those things are in the US. 

So back to the topic at hand: mini boss is out there whimpering (not exaggerating, there are actual grunts coming from him) with back pain. Lady boss is coughing away in her office complaining about the heat in the office and the dryness of the air. Big boss seems to be OK, just recovering quietly from his procedure last week. If this was really a waiting room he would just be here to get his stitches removed of something similar. 

And I am quietly sitting at my desk, dog laying next to me. Like an oasis of quietness for both of us. 

Don't want to complain about having people here, but it sure is a lot quieter when it's just me, myself and I... 

About death

A girl that i went to school with passed away today. A sad post on FB and confirmation from a friend.

Went to school with her in like 6th or 7th grade. Maybe both. We weren't close friends, but we knew each other. I think she liked me, but she liked everyone. She had a big heart. She was friendly and wanted mostly to be happy. And worked towards it. Not the brightest bulb in the box... I have this vivid image of her trying to cheat on an English test. Most obvious cheat sheet of all times. The teacher called her out on it and she still denied it. That stuck with me. It's been more than 20 years since that happened. Even if we stopped being classmates, it was a small town. We saw each other and she always had a smile and a hello ready. And now she is gone. Due to some random kidney illness that struck her and denied her the chance to keep being happy.

If the after life really exists, I sure hope she can be happy there, sharing joy and her easy laugh. Rest in Peace Marisa.

5/2/2018 - Wednesday meeting outcome

The most appreciated moment during the work week is our Wednesday morning meeting. That can happen on Thursdays... or Fridays... or any day, as long as there are donuts and coffee! This week it was Wednesday.

Despite the social side of it, we do talk about work. It's a nice way to summarize where we are on the different projects and ask for guidance if needed.

But then comes the social side. That usually happens when all other topics have been covered and we really don't want to go back to work. Today's conversation wandered into allergies. And pets. And relatives with severe allergies to pets. And we all came to the conclusion that between our pets and some people (in my mind, that included extended family), our pets will trump many people! In all honesty, I was the one saying it first, but they eventually caved and agreed.
The scenario was something in the lines of:
Other: " X is visiting and he is severely allergic to cats. Cat vs person, you'd think they would send the cat away so X can breathe!"
Me: "My kitty trumps a LOT of people for me... I wouldn't send her away either, X would have to suck it up and have some allergy pills"

And that only reinforces my strong belief that i love that cat with all my heart! Even if she doesn't feel the same way about me. And a while ago, when she went all crazy and wanted to attack hubby, i did do a double take in taking sides... He said "you have to choose: the cat or me". And for a fraction of a second, I did think about it... Finally said I would choose him, but not without a touch of guilt and the strong hope that no action had to be taken. Luckily she decided to go back to her normal, hubby-worshiping cat, and the world fell back in place, not forcing me to make any decisions that would rip an extra piece of my heart.

YES, this became a post about how much i love my cat. YES, I am a pet person, and love them with all my heart. YES, i can write whatever the f#$% i want here, because i am the one reading it anyway!

YES, it's Wednesday and i am bored out of my mind at work while procrastinating the bowling alley stuff...

05/01/2018

Another holiday in Portugal. We do have many of those out there. At least when compared to the US. Meanwhile, I'm at work. At the moment, there is no one in other than myself. And that is fine with me.

Big boss is having a procedure done today. Hope him the best. Got a text with an update and it sounds good. Mini boss is probably at the job site... again... That site super makes him his bitch and he lets him. Each time i hear them on the phone or learn of the many emails and chores he is given, I feel like slapping him. I keep reminding him that the site super is getting paid over $4K a month to do his job, and still he keeps demanding help from his Project Manager. In the meanwhile mini boss is walking around overwhelmed and backbone-less... I keep trying to get more projects, to keep the company going. And sometimes it feels like I am the only one trying to accomplish that. Feels kind of lonely here at the bottom of the corporate food chain...

Quick update: just got the mail and it seems the supervisor gets $4K every 2 weeks, plus expenses... And he called me while i was typing that complaining he needed support. Oh boy... does he get stressed over nothing.

Mini boss arrived. Updated him on things and passed on the conversation and what i had done. Really not that complicated. Pick your battles people, don't over complicate.

And now I am supposed to find some pricing for work at the bowling alleys. More silly cosmetic work instead of addressing the real needs of the places. Kind of hard to get along with the people that work there and justify why money is being spent on crappy things instead of fixing structural or personnel issues...

Off to do some work! Happy Tuesday.

04/25/2018

Holiday in Portugal today! But it seems that independence day in the US is a different one, so I'm stuck at work today too... Bosses are both out, mini boss still isn't in. So I am working the bare minimum, just to keep things going. The lack of will is overwhelming. Of course that isn't different from any given day...

Tuesday 04/24/2018

"The Game" - vol. 2

GUILDS

Random group of people that are supposed to help each other. Work towards a common gold (upgrade structures and increase Guild Hall so boons are better). Running content together is a bonus.

So if you are stuck in a guild where you are the sole donator to the coffer, where you can't get any help, jump ship! There are plenty of good and helpful guilds out there.

When starting out, I had no idea what to expect from a guild. So we joined a random group of people that were growing a new one. And it was fun. Everyone was working towards the same goal, we met fun people. And then people stopped playing and the progress slowed to a crawl. Leader went afk and that was the death of the guild. We then swapped to a different one, a bit higher level. At first we were like welcome guests. Leaders always trying to run new content with us. Since we had the training of the first (growing) guild, we would be really good donators to the coffer. And we went from being good ones, to close to the only ones. And the leaders stopped including us in things. Guess they felt we were granted. Hubbie kept wanting to leave and find a new guild, but i kept procrastinating. I felt bad for leaving that place that was home for so many months. Until a new mod came live. We unlocked it and grew our toons to a point where they would be strong enough to do it. And flat out asked our leaders to take us with them, since they were running it all the time. And were ignored... December rolled in and with it a guild "contest": top donators will get a Xmas gift. That was easy beans for me. So i did the usual thing and when responding to the "quest email" I said i was entering and wanted no gift, just to have them run the new dungeon with us. Results came in and as expected I ranked 1st. And got a token from the leader, for completion of a beginners campaign that i had finished months ago. No mention of my specific request. And I stopped procrastinating. We both left. Leadership wasn't happy about it (an email was sent to guild members after we left with a rant about ppl leaving the family or some crap like that), but they didn't even have the courtesy of ask why or reach out to us.

Search for a new guild ensued. And we found a new home. A fun group of people, good boons and little drama. Guild heaven I would say! Now we are the ones trying to drag new players to run new content. Because they can and should have the chance to do it. And because everyone needs to start somehow. And learn.

So the bottom line is (literally): don't settle for a guild that isn't taking care of you. It goes both ways, you give and you should get in return!

The loss of a legend

2 years have passed since Prince's passing.

Minnesota still mourns its loss. Purple fills the streets and the hearts of the Minnesotans, even more during this week.

Lost but not forgotten. RIP Prince.

[A different kind of addiction] - Lord of the Rings

Back when I was 15y old, reading was my one and only obsession. It took me to different places, allowed me to meet new people and to be someone else. For that reason, I was a regular at my school library, where we were fortunate enough to have plenty non-academic books to choose from. One day, while browsing the shelves, my then Physics teacher approached me and volunteered a series of books that he thought I would like. And he was right. I had just been introduced to the works of J.R.R. Tolkien. Started off reading the Hobbit, slowly entering into that fantasy realm created for Tolkien's children and shared with the world. However, the book wasn't that long and soon The Lord of the Rings trilogy accompanied me home from the library. And I fell in love! Those characters became my friends, those places became my own. Middle-earth was now my home away from home. When I returned the books to the library (and discussed them with my professor, since he seemed to be the only other Tolkien-loving person in that school) I felt somewhat deprived of a companion. To this day, I know copies of LOTR sit on my book shelf at my parents house. Sadly, I can't remember who gave them to me....

A few years later the books were made into movies. The fear of yet another book ruined by Hollywood haunted me. Until I went and saw the movie. And my friends were there. Middle Earth looked like my Middle Earth. The Shire was all i expected it to be. Samwise Gamgee was still the awesome friend and (unsung) hero i expected him to be. And this time around I had a really good friend that loved it as much as me so we could be fans together!

I believe we saw it in 2002. 16y have passed. Haven't read the book in years (missing it now, will grab them during my next visit to my parents), but the movies are must for me.

All this because I would love to be able to just sit with my friend now and re-watch the movies. Extended versions!

Is it the weekend already?

No, it isn't...

Still Thursday, 2 more days of work to go, and I feel so drained and short of energy that I'm left wondering how am I supposed to make things happen successfully at work.

New project bidding, so I'm supposed to be making calls and sending out invites. But the phone sits pretty next to me, untouched and undisturbed. Because if I don't want to be bothered, I'm pretty sure the phone feels the same way!

Haven't seen the bosses at all this week. They may came in today, but who knows. Mini boss showed up yesterday for a few minutes and then left. Not complaining about their absence, just bitching about the lack of help. In all honesty, I am the minion that is supposed to do the work, but not sure if that is working out, since I have no wish or will to do it. I get things done, but at a very slow pace.

And that is all. Just wanted to get that feeling out of my chest and now I will force myself to do something...

Still not the weekend, eh?

The need to share

Sharing thoughts and feelings doesn't come naturally to me. When I am sad the route is to repress it and hope it goes away. When i am happy i savor the feeling and live it, more than talk about it.

And for sure there are more out there that are the same. Except... when you are talking to strangers online or on the phone. At least in my day to day seems to happen with some frequency. Part of my job is to talk on the phone with subs and trades people on the phone. Lately I've been talking a couple of times with a welder. Just work stuff, "please go do that", "what is your credit card info to process the payment"... that kind of stuff. And yesterday he felt the need to share that he was at odds with his son, that will get married in August and he fears he won't be invited to the wedding. I listened and tried reassuring him the best i could, without really knowing what was going on. But that gentleman, that doesn't know me, felt the need to take that off his chest and the recipient chosen was me, a person he has never met. Was it because I would be a safe, judgment free, listener? A few days ago, while chatting with a game buddy, there came the confession that his relationship was going through stuff and that he was really lost and didn't know what to do.

How can we really help these "strangers" that call out for help and we really don't know? Sometimes a hug is the best help possible, and the long distance and anonymity take away that possibility altogether. Is it because they fear the follow up? The concern of others for their well-being and happiness?

Reach out for help from the ones you love, the ones that really care and will be able to help you get past it. The ones that can give you a hug or smack you on the head and tell you if you are wrong.

And be happy. Smile. Even when you don't feel like it. Because a smile is more likely to bring good vibes. I think. Maybe not, but why not try?

Domestic drama

For the last couple weeks I have failed to open the mailbox and retrieve mail. Not for lack of trying I must add. But simply couldn't fit the key to open it.

Me (at least one week ago): "hey babe, I can't open the mailbox, can you please go try?
Hubby: "you're just doing it wrong [note: i open locks wrong, it's a mistery how I've been entering places and opening doors for over 30y]. You have to wiggle it a bit and it will open"
Me: "Glad you know the trick, go get the mail please"

** a week passes **

Ridiculous and significant snow fall. Hubby outside clearing the driveway for a second time. Walks in the house and I shout from the computer room "go get the mail". 10 mins pass and no return. Look out the window and there he is, fighting a lost battle with the mailbox.

** walks back in the house, defeated by the mailbox**

Hubby: "key won't fit the lock"
Me: "..." - while silently thinking "no shit Einstein, been telling you that for a while now"

Called the USPS and now waiting for a locksmith sent by them to change the lock and charge us $40... I am also fairly certain we will need forceps to remove all the mail from the box, including a package including make up [post to be published later about thing] that should be destroyed by now...

Spring in Minnesota

Think Minnesota might of missed the memo about Spring starting... in March...

Poor trees will think they can finally start blooming and them they get hit with snow during the weekend. Not nice MN, not nice at all...

Backaches - or the perfect excuse to skip work?

Thursday: mini boss [MB] came to work with a backache. Seems he slept wrong and pinched a nerve. Chiropractor was closed that day, so he had to wait until Friday to see him.
Big boss came by and made mini boss do some lifting on heavy equipment.
MB in pain.
Me feeling very sorry for him.
Friday: MB comes to work barely walking after seeing the chiropractor. Me feeling sorry for him. Tell him to go home and lay down and rest.
Saturday: MB posts picture on Instagram of some pottery he was making. I am no expert, but to spin the wheel you need to be in a sitting position, right? Me feeling confused.
Monday: MB at work "still stiff". Ask him how the weekend was and he says he was in painkillers most of the time and stayed home. All i have to say is: I want some of those painkillers that make him forget he was making clay stuff and posting it on Instagram during the weekend! MB left before lunch.
Tuesday: Still sore. Felt the need to say again how spent entire weekend laying down...

It sure seems nice to be salary and not part time/hourly rate. If I was salary i could just leave with a backache and be paid. Instead I have to stick around and pretend to work when things are slow...

[A brief history of addiction] "The game" - vol. 1

Time line of the problem:

• February 14, 2017 - An X-Box is gifted and the search for online free games begins
• February 19, 2017 - Hubbie finds Neverwinter and downloads it for me. I start playing it after work. 
• February 23, 2017 (give or take a few days) - Hubbie realizes he would like to play it too and starts playing PC version of game. 
• A couple of days go by when we each play on our platform. It starts annoying me so I download the game to my laptop and we start playing together. Probably beginning of March. 
• X-Box retires and is never used again (still feel bad about her). 
• Mika becomes my alter-ego/my better self
  This is her. A few days after being created. 
• Fast forward one year: March 2018 - We are still playing the game actively. Laptop has been replaced by a new PC, to accommodate graphic card needs or something like that. 30 characters created (aka: farmers)  and my little Mika is still my favorite. 

More on the game soon. Just because i want to!  

Tax Season 2

Here's the season to be flooded in forms, receipts, 1099's, W2, 1040, M1M, ... again...
Last Friday I brought the "tax folder" with me to work. Since I was alone and very bored, seemed like the perfect scenario to get them ready. And so I did. Up to the point where I found out the values I should be paying. I mentioned this phenomena a couple years ago and it holds true: I never get money back despite sending them money every month. Never enough i guess.

So if my calculations are correct, to pay for the total taxes owed this year, two of my pay checks (or three, if I have slow months) are to be diverted directly to the government. Add to that property taxes, due next month, and another pay check is gone. So i am working the first quarter of the year to be able to afford paying taxes. And I know mine isn't the only household income, and all the good reasons that can be pointed out of why we have to pay taxes. But it still sucks!

Just for curiosity, I made a quick google search:

"How are federal taxes spent"

According to the Turbotax website, federal taxes are mostly spent on:

• Major health programs, such as Medicare and Medicaid - This confuses me greatly, because I am pretty sure every month a sum of my pay check goes off to Medicare. Box 6 of my W2. Also sure health isn't socialized like in Portugal, so no free healthcare out there for the grabs. Maybe Medicare helps people that need it, because they can't afford the mammoth bills health care gives you here. That is another Google search, left for a different day. 
• Social security -  Once again, this is already on box 4 of my W2. Neither box 6 or 4 count towards my taxes, federal taxes are on box 2... But sure, Social Security is a good thing. IF my hubbie dies before me, I can collect survivor's benefits. If I die first he is SOL because I need to work 10y here to get enough credits and I am only at 5y and not planning on sticking around for 5 more. 
• Defense and security - Armed forces deserve my utmost respect. No complaints here. 

Guess this is going to be all the bitching for now. Off to work a few more hours to pay for taxes! 

TBT - movies from 20 y ago

The year was 1998. The world was full of promise and opportunities. At least to a teenager girl!
It was also the year when my dad and I started going to the movies together. Don't remember why we stopped doing it, but i remember we did it during that year, and I loved it.
These were some of the titles that caught my eye from the 3,689 titles posted on IMDb:

Tom Hanks to the rescue... Literally! This may have been an awesome movie, considering reviews and what not, but... not my cup of tea.

Let me just take a second to admit this movie is 20 years old. Ben Stiller getting his ding dong stuck in a zipper and the "hair gel" scene are the only memories of it I have. I was a teenager, what is your excuse?

You try and watch this with your dad and not cry! 

The soundtrack... 💗

And that will be all for this trip down memory lane! Many other titles rattled my memory, but I am off to find a space heater for a job site! 

How a year flies

It's been a while since my last ramblings, it's good to be back and visit this old online friend!

Not much has happened for the past 365 days, give or take a few days

• Still working at the same place; mini boss still here trying to learn to be the boss. Still bored out of my mind for most of the time spent here.  
• Same hubbie. 
• Same crazy cat at home and goofy dog at the office. 
• Still missing my country and people every day. 
• Still playing that online game i found many moons ago and mentioned on the last post.

And that sums it up! I will probably swing by more often now, since work is slow and why not use time to ramble away.