- jealous resentment against a rival, a person enjoying success or advantage, etc., or against other's success or advantage itself.
- mental uneasiness from suspicion or fear of rivalry, unfaithfulness, etc., as in love or aims.
- vigilance in maintaining or guarding something.
Doing a honest assessment of myself, and with much input from my mother over many years, it seems I was jealous of my brother while growing up. Reading the first definition, I guess there was some resentment over the love he got from my mum. Looking back I am not proud to admit it. It never affected our relationship and we were always friends. I always loved my brother to bits. But still the resentment was there. I also have been told that my brother was in fact the golden child and got a bit more loving than myself, but it's no excuse regardless. It is still a bad feeling and should have no place.
Being in a relationship, I am fortunate enough to trust my hubby enough not to have that "mental uneasiness from suspicion or unfaithfulness". It feels foreign to admit it, but I realized it's the truth.
But others aren't as lucky. And it brings me to what motivated this post....
A bit of context: playing Neverwinter we get the chance to run content with other players. Doing that we started running quite a bit with a couple from Germany. They were nice and friendly so we became what can be called as virtual long distance friends. For the sake of clarity, lets call them Mr. S and Miss S. They weren't married, but had a long time relationship and children. And the use of past in the verb is correct.
Before our Portuguese vacation Miss S has complained about Mr S jealously. That he didn't trust her and was too insecure about her feelings and that it was very off putting. As someone who had been called jealous all her life, I tried explaining to her that it was hard to control and it had more to do with our own anxiety and feeling of being inadequate than anything else.
During our vacation, Miss S messaged my hubby saying they were broken up and there was no way back. Mr S also messaged me and told me the same thing. He even said he had done some things that he wasn't proud of, and that the jealousy got the best of him.
Yesterday Miss S messages me and says she is head over heels over this "new" guy. That she knows him from work and they have been talking for a while. That he was very supportive during the break up. That he is everything she wants. Everything and more, since he has a girlfriend...
Also yesterday, Mr S messaged me and asked if I had been talking to her, and asking if she had told me about this guy she is in love with. Not only was I stunned that they both decided to bring the topic up on the same day, I couldn't believe that Mr S knew about that, when my naive mind felt that it should be something kind of private of Miss S.
So I ask her if there was any way of Mr S know of this (ok... i thought he had her FB password and was reading her private chats) and she tells me he was always jealous of that guy and was just guessing.
And it all comes full circle and lets me wondering... was Mr S really jealous or was he reacting to her own shift of feelings and unfaithfulness? Even if she never got physical with the new guy, all the messaging (hence her not wanting to disclose to him who she was texting) kind of counts as cheating by my book. And now Mr S is the one without a home and without being able to see or talk to his kids because she can't stand him... Somehow it doesn't seem fair at all.
Even without wanting to take sides I am team Mr S on this. He took care of her and her eldest children. He loves her and them. And then he was kicked to the curb and left with nothing when someone shinier showed up and swept her away. Regardless of that new one being in a relationship....
There, end of rant for now. Most likely i am wrong in my assessment. There are other things I am not aware of. I am a terrible person. Whatever. Just wanted to get it out of my chest...
No comments:
Post a Comment