Under-19 EURO

Proud of my home team! Good job boys!

TGIF

When the alarm clock rang this morning I lost a bit of my soul. Because I strongly believed it was Saturday and I could have a lazy morning in bed or the couch. But the alarm clock and the confirmation on the phone screen that it was in fact a week day crushed those dreams.

Making it sound a lot worst than it really is. I am in fact having a lazy day, but instead of being home I am at work. No bosses around, work is on track, with nothing much I can do at the moment other than wait. So here I sit, glancing at the usual bidding websites, checking the email and waiting for lunch time!

I think i owe much of my "not-bitchiness" at our new mattress and the good rest I've been getting. Between my new found will of power to do those darn stretches, a nice warm shower and the comfy bed, I have been falling asleep before midnight. And that means that i get to sleep 8h or fairly close to it. Does wonders for my mood!

And on this note I finish this post, since the non bitchy ones are so few and far in between!

Time to get ready to enjoy the weekend!

"The Game" - final chapter

Last weekend marked the end of a year and a half on addiction.

Hubbie and I talked and decided the game was no longer fun and had become a pain instead of a fun activity.

Constant PC crashes, several bugs, messed up queuing system, ridiculous drop rates, plain rude and entitled people... Just a short list of the things we realized were bugging us and ruining the experience for us.

So on Friday, July 20th we shut down Neverwinter. We both plan on going back one last time, to strip our account of goodies and give them to a guildy. But he is out in is vacation, so no point in logging in for now.

Part of me feels sad for all the time (and money) we invested in that game to just give up, but the biggest part of me is happy to have weekends, nights and mornings back. To be able to spend a leisurely Sunday, just reading on the couch, watching TV or just plain resting.

On to find a new game we enjoy. Or to dig up one of our board games and give it a go!

15 + 15 + 15 (!!)

The saga continues! 3 days on a row, this may be a new record. Both for the continuing "exercise" and for writing about it. But since this is the equivalent of an online diary, i guess i can brag to myself and leave for posterity that i actually kept on trying, if only for a short period of time.

So yesterday i did the usual stuff and decided to add an extra set. Ventured in the painful world of leg lifts. Why did I do it? Not really sure, but somehow it felt right. Or the right thing to do, since physically it didn't feel right at all. Ended up being a broken down 15, since every 5 I had to lower my heels back to the floor. Call it being naive, but i thought those would focus on leg muscles. My bad, since the first 3 proved me it engages abdomen muscles instead. And I have none of those.

Planning on making these a regular thing, since I just saw on a YouTube video (not a very reliable source of information, but i'll take it!) where the guy said the more we try, the better we get at it. And that seems to be a lesson to work in many aspects of day to day life.

Hubbie yesterday called my "routine" a "circus act". Said it in a playful tone. Or I hope that was the meaning. It hasn't been long enough for it, but i feel mildly proud of keeping up with it. For lack of better incentive I have to keep telling that to myself.

15 + 15 (day 2)

Somehow I mustered the courage to repeat the feat yesterday!

Not without some good old fashioned procrastination i must add.

Got home and hubbie was cleaning the garage. I helped him out a bit. Then being a bit sore and tired got the best of me and ended up taking a cat nap before dinner. Then I had the excuse of a full belly not to move. But before bed time I convinced myself to actually do the stretches and the push ups and sit ups. Only 15 of each. I know that doesn't do much, and it's not a proper exercise plan. But they are baby steps. If i demand too much of myself in the first days, the motivation and self control will go out the window a lot faster. So I will keep this up. Or try to.

Luckily I got a nice rest tonight, so my muscles had the chance to rest and relax. Today I only feel a slight discomfort when moving my arms.

Per a quick google search, the modified push up (the one I currently do for lack of strength to do the standard one) works the chest muscles. So I must do something well, because those are the ones that are sore.

The website also says that I should be doing around 200 push ups a day to be considered a work out... That ship will take a while to sail!

15 + 15

In a moment of insanity, I decided it would be a good idea to do some daily stretches and burn like half a calorie. That moment happened late Sunday, so yesterday after getting home from work I oddly followed through. And I did the above referred stretches. And went crazy and did 15 sit ups and 15 push ups. Figured that would be a low enough number to get me going and not make much of a dent. Mostly because during my last... exercising phase (?) , I was up to 3 series of 15. I should add that that happened what seems like a lifetime ago.

As soon as I did the first 2 push ups I knew I couldn't go past the 15 and even those would be stretching it. My arms simply refused to continue. It was more of a mind over matter kind of deal. Pure stubbornness. That being said, I did finish the 15. And I do feel it today. Arm muscles are sore. Not in a debilitating way, more like a "what the fuck have you done to me bitch" kind of way.

And I think I am OK with that for now. I actually plan on repeating the activity later today. Maybe go for 15 + 15  sit ups, since those weren't nearly as hard.

The joys of having more free time! (explanation on that later)

#%%$^

Should I be worried - the update

Everything is OK. Company still going. On the 4th day someone showed up!

In the meantime I have been actually working and trying to find proposals for projects. To be totally honest I think we won't be getting any of these projects, but we carry on trying...

Today is Tuesday. Not Monday. Doesn't mean that the Monday blues aren't in. Wishing i was home lounging in the couch. So sleepy it's not even funny... YAWN

Should i be worried?

Two days since I've had zero contact to anyone else at the office. No phone calls, emails, text messages, smoke signal, carrier pigeons... nothing!

I wonder if they decided to close out and forgot to tell me, like some old piece of furniture left to rot?

In the meanwhile I will continue doing my job, but it is still a bit odd...

Slow days - update 1

A project did show up on my email. But it is one of those that we are just invited to bid for the sake of bidding, close to zero chance of getting the project. So here I sit, calling subs in the hopes of finding someone willing to put in the time and effort to quote this for us. Selling something i really don't believe. I have something to do, true, but it still feels like a time filler.

Feels like a great opportunity to have mini boss take over and start making some calls... but he isn't here. No one but me is here. Can't blame them, if I had the choice I wouldn't be here either.

Doesn't help that i am extremely sleepy.... I really could use a 12h nap...

Slow days

When at work, it's nice to have something to do. Just to help pass the time. I don't mean to be overwhelmed with tasks, but to have enough to keep me busy for a few hours. Sadly that is not the case at the moment.
We are only dealing with small little projects that the mini boss is looking over and some warranty stuff that the big boss is dealing with. That leaves me with little to nothing to do. Send a couple of emails, answer a phone call... and kill time... Since I get paid by the hour worked, that leaves me with mixed feelings: should i stay here just in case and get paid or do I just go or stay home due to lack of work? Been trying to compromise and not do full days, staying for only a couple of hours... I will have to discuss this with the bosses so we reach an agreement. Don't want them thinking i am taking advantage of their good will, but I also don't want them to think i am trying to steal their money!

This morning when the alarm clock rang, I felt like I had sand bags sitting in my eyes. Waking up was a true pain. Thought about calling it a day and staying home, but calling it with such short notice wasn't really right. And now I sit here, waiting for an email and playing games on my phone... just isn't right.

Fairly certain that after I bitch about this, a number of projects will show up on my email... fingers crossed!

About Portugal

It really was wonderful to see my people. To be with them. To be able to reach out and touch them.

There was no sightseeing, not tourism, I just spent time with my loved ones. Hubbie was probably bored out of his mind, but he was a sport about it. At some point he even gave up on the social outings, and just stayed at my parents playing on the laptop. They were his vacation too, so he got to do whatever he wanted!

As always, time seemed to fly. It probably did. But i tried to enjoy it as much as i could. There was a few days of tension, because hubbie didn't want to go look at houses for sale as I wanted. Left me wondering WTF he is thinking and if or when we are actually moving there. I tried to take my mind off of it while there, so I could enjoy the time, but now we will need to talk about it.... Kind of dreading it, so procrastinating as much as I can.

The weather was not on my side and i didn't get to go swimming. Or using most of the clothes I had planned on, since it was kind of chilly. But chilly there is still warm when compared to MN Winter/Fall/Spring, so no complaints!

I must say I dislike flying. I don't like the airport wait, the long hours confined in the airplane, the jet lag... But it is all worth it in the end!

Dealing with tantrums

I apologize in advance to the poor soul who found this blog in a search for how to deal with difficult or stubborn child. This is not the right place for that.

What follows is a rant about grown-ups that behave like children.

- At work one of our clients, who is an idiot, refused to shake mini boss' hand today. This because mini boss dared to send an email to one of the guys co-workers asking for a revised PO. Since mini boss emailed the accounting person, seems like he did nothing wrong. But per the client that was a huge disrespect and cause to halt new projects with us. Also cause to be rude to mini boss. I just can't understand how a self respecting professional works like that. How he can plainly ignore someone you are working for/with you. All the emails he send are addressed to me, even if mini boss is the one responding. As stated, client is an idiot. But if I am not mistaken, he won't be a client for much longer...

- Miss S sent me a couple of messages on Whatsapp, very passive aggressive saying i had no business telling her ex that she was in love with another guy. Seems he called and told her someone had told him and she instantly assumed i had been the one. And I was pissed. At her for believing i would tell him something she told me and at him for making it sound like i did. I told her I would send her snaps of our full convo if she needed proof. My bottom line is a lesson to me of just staying out of it all and not talking to either of them.

- POTUS. Because he is a prime example of a grown up behaving like a spoiled toddler. For more info just refer to anything posted by him on Twitter.

This being said, I am currently the holder of a massive head ache and feel as grumpy as it gets. Over things i mostly can't control, but still disgust me.

About jealousy and relationships

A quick search on Google defines jealousy as:

1. jealous resentment against a rival, a person enjoying success or advantage, etc., or against other's success or advantage itself.
2. mental uneasiness from suspicion or fear of rivalry, unfaithfulness, etc., as in love or aims. 
3. vigilance in maintaining or guarding something. 

Doing a honest assessment of myself, and with much input from my mother over many years, it seems I was jealous of my brother while growing up. Reading the first definition, I guess there was some resentment over the love he got from my mum. Looking back I am not proud to admit it. It never affected our relationship and we were always friends. I always loved my brother to bits. But still the resentment was there. I also have been told that my brother was in fact the golden child and got a bit more loving than myself, but it's no excuse regardless. It is still a bad feeling and should have no place. 

Being in a relationship, I am fortunate enough to trust my hubby enough not to have that "mental uneasiness from suspicion or unfaithfulness". It feels foreign to admit it, but I realized it's the truth. 

But others aren't as lucky. And it brings me to what motivated this post.... 

A bit of context: playing Neverwinter we get the chance to run content with other players. Doing that we started running quite a bit with a couple from Germany. They were nice and friendly so we became what can be called as virtual long distance friends. For the sake of clarity, lets call them Mr. S and Miss S. They weren't married, but had a long time relationship and children. And the use of past in the verb is correct. 

Before our Portuguese vacation Miss S has complained about Mr S jealously. That he didn't trust her and was too insecure about her feelings and that it was very off putting. As someone who had been called jealous all her life, I tried explaining to her that it was hard to control and it had more to do with our own anxiety and feeling of being inadequate than anything else. 

During our vacation, Miss S messaged my hubby saying they were broken up and there was no way back. Mr S also messaged me and told me the same thing. He even said he had done some things that he wasn't proud of, and that the jealousy got the best of him. 

Yesterday Miss S messages me and says she is head over heels over this "new" guy. That she knows him from work and they have been talking for a while. That he was very supportive during the break up. That he is everything she wants. Everything and more, since he has a girlfriend... 

Also yesterday, Mr S messaged me and asked if I had been talking to her, and asking if she had told me about this guy she is in love with. Not only was I stunned that they both decided to bring the topic up on the same day, I couldn't believe that Mr S knew about that, when my naive mind felt that it should be something kind of private of Miss S. 

So I ask her if there was any way of Mr S know of this (ok... i thought he had her FB password and was reading her private chats) and she tells me he was always jealous of that guy and was just guessing. 

And it all comes full circle and lets me wondering... was Mr S really jealous or was he reacting to her own shift of feelings and unfaithfulness? Even if she never got physical with the new guy, all the messaging (hence her not wanting to disclose to him who she was texting) kind of counts as cheating by my book. And now Mr S is the one without a home and without being able to see or talk to his kids because she can't stand him... Somehow it doesn't seem fair at all. 

Even without wanting to take sides I am team Mr S on this. He took care of her and her eldest children. He loves her and them. And then he was kicked to the curb and left with nothing when someone shinier showed up and swept her away. Regardless of that new one being in a relationship.... 

There, end of rant for now. Most likely i am wrong in my assessment. There are other things I am not aware of. I am a terrible person. Whatever. Just wanted to get it out of my chest... 

Update on sickies

Just for future reference: I am still coughing and the eyes are still itchy. I will blame that on the usual Spring allergies. 

Hubby might still live. He traded the bed for the couch yesterday and even found the strength in him to play for like 20 mins...   

He is still recovering, but nearly not as dire as he makes it sound like. But sure, if that is what takes him to feel better, why not... 

On the bright side: not playing Neverwinter intensively has allowed me to finish reading a full book! The joy of laying on the couch reading is something i tend to forget to easily. Wonder if I will be able to start another today or the man will be OK enough to resume gaming activities... 

The joys of the common cold...

... can't name any at the moment...

Managed to share mine with hubbie, that took it upon himself to be all bitchy and moody about it...

Yeah, it was my plan all along to catch a cold, feel miserable for an undetermined period of time and give it to you so you can also feel that way. The difference is that you get to stay home in bed moping and I have to come to work. And after i get to go home and resume normal tasks, like eating, talking, housework...

I am happy that he can stay in bed and do his healing process... just not happy at all about his attitude towards me. What's with the angry demeanor? I am truly sorry he is sick and feeling bad, but why should I have to take shit from him for it?

Hate wanting to stay at work on a Monday just not to deal with Mr. Grumpy...

TGIF

Come on Friday hours: run fast and allow me to go home and take a 48h nap!

So much work to do, so little energy to do it... But i am giving it my all just by keeping my eyes open instead of laying my head on the table and catch a few zzzz... Stupid allergies/sinus infection/cold...

Back

And we are back from vacation!

At work with a major cold. Cough, stuffed nose, trouble breathing, ...

So i would really like to talk about my vacation and how nice it was. But all i really want is to ride out the 8h at work and go back to bed... and  i can't even do that, since we have a birthday dinner to go to today.

😓😢

T - 5h

And my vacation will start! 3 full weeks without having to come to work!

In all honesty, by now I am only counting down time and not doing much. Just ridding it out and pretending to be busy.

Next week I get to fly out to Portugal and finally see my people. See my country. Smell the ocean. Eat good food. Hopefully get some nice vitamin D.

There is a bit of regret for having to leave my kitty here, quite alone when compared to her usual routine. Hubbies nephew will take care of her. He agreed to go over and feed her and clean her litter box and all that stuff. Just hope he decides to sleep over so she doesn't spend so much time alone. Also hope she takes to him instead of hiding for the duration of the trip....

She will be fine. She will be well taken care of. And she will forgive our absence and not to try to kill us as soon as we return. It would be perfect to be able to take her with us, but that will be a struggle for when we move permanently!

Shouldn't feel guilty over leaving her home "alone". It's much better than leave her at the vet hospital, caged in a 3' x 3' cage, surrounded by weird sounds and spaces, while being sprayed with some sort of calming stuff. Home is better. Where she is safe and comfortable!

T - 4h 53m 👀

Thanks a lot MN framers and plumbers....

The title says it all... And it's filled with sarcasm.

Shinny new project in Minnesota. Fairly close to the twin cities. Send out the bid invite with plenty of time. Then reminder to bid. Bid day comes by and where are the bids? Nowhere to be seen.

WTF??!

How difficult or time consuming is it to reply to the email saying "not bidding"? Or just click the "no" box on the website? I understand being busy and not being able to bid. But i don't understand not having the common courtesy of responding. It is just plain rude and disrespectful. I won't even go into the marvelous world of voicemails, where 1 call back out of 12 voicemails left is a very good average.

That being said, the ones that actually respond or call back are fucking rock stars! If they take 30 secs out of their day to actually respond and they choose to bid, I am going to place their bid first on my list.

Not wanting to run a foul mouth here, but i hate most of these dickheads that i am about to call, pretending to be all sweet and accommodating. And know this: when i say "thank you and have a good day" what i really mean is "Fuck you! i really didn't need to call you again if you had taken a few seconds of your time in the first place. Now i just spent 2 mins of both our days to nag you about this... again!"