Tuesday morning - that odd day when 5 minutes at work feel like 5h

10:53 am on a Tuesday morning. At work. Feels like I have been here for the past 12 h... I only got here at 8:55 am. I strongly believe this will be a very long day! 

It's been a while since I last visited this space. Somehow work and life got in the way of my ramblings. Not that much has happened, or that I had interesting things to say, but still couldn't make it out here. Lots of days spent sitting at a bowling alley watching time go by. Organizing bowling balls by color and weight for the fun of it. I lead a very dull life it seems.

During this time I have mentally written elaborate and composed posts for this blog. I have wanted to share things that were said and that hurt me to my core. Things that made me want to scream and beat someone up. Things that were so ridiculous I couldn't even believe. But it all feels pointless now. Because the time passed. Because I managed to repress part of it. Timing is everything, eh?

Gladly i have stuff to bitch about today too, so all is good:

• Yesterday after tidying up the kitchen after dinner, I decided it would be nice to bake some mini pecan pies to bring to work today. That way I could use up the pecans I had leftover from Thanksgiving and since everyone was here today, they could enjoy it (I don't care for pecans). Comment from my female boss "you have way to much free time if you could do these". I had this intense urge to just go ahead and toss them then. But i stopped myself. They are out there for the grabs. If no one picks them up I will just take them away. Time to stop trying to make nice things for these people. 
• My hubbie got me a Xbox for Valentine's Day. I can't really complain, because I always wanted a gaming console. It came with a game called Battlefield. Adding up my lack of experience using a controller with the poor eye-hand coordination, it is easy to understand that driving a tank and shooting at moving targets is not the most easy task to accomplish. And it doesn't help to have the running commentary of how I suck at playing that. So I focused on a free game that is more adventure style and start having fun. My hubbie concludes that that is the kind of game I enjoy. Yesterday he went shopping and bought another game... Some sort of Star Wars based game that involves... shooting and battle tactics. And he keeps telling that it is my Xbox... He could at least have the decency to admit that he is having more fun with it than I am! 
• Since I started this post I have picked up the phone a couple of times, went to the bathroom, had a cappuccino, saw pics of the bosses latest trip, responded to e-mails... and the time reads 11:39 am. Not even an hour has passed! OMG! 

Guess this is all for now... I will probably go to some news website or the White House site to get a bit more frustrated... 

Dream diary

That awkward moment when you wake up and it's like you never went to sleep in the first place... Except for the anguish in your chest. Except for knowing that you just spent your resting hours dreaming about dumb stuff and impossible scenarios that end up with lots and lots of crying.... 

Tonight i dreamed that i was a lying cheater and got caught. And then it was all about me feeling guilty and crying my eyeballs out. I don't even think i apologized, I just went straight to feeling like shit and assuming I wouldn't be forgiven. 

That being said... WTF?! I would never cheat on my hubbie. I have no wish or inclination to do it. So what was up with the stupid nightmare? 

Now I just feel tired and drained of all energy... 

This day in history (January 2017)

According to the History Chanel website, this days marks the 72nd anniversary of the Soviets liberating Auschwitz. 


"On this day, Soviet troops enter Auschwitz, Poland, freeing the survivors of the network of concentration camps—and finally revealing to the world the depth of the horrors perpetrated there.

Auschwitz was really a group of camps, designated I, II, and III. There were also 40 smaller “satellite” camps. It was at Auschwitz II, at Birkenau, established in October 1941, that the SS created a complex, monstrously orchestrated killing ground: 300 prison barracks; four “bathhouses” in which prisoners were gassed; corpse cellars; and cremating ovens. Thousands of prisoners were also used for medical experiments overseen and performed by the camp doctor, Josef Mengele, the “Angel of Death.”The Red Army had been advancing deeper into Poland since mid-January. Having liberated Warsaw and Krakow, Soviet troops headed for Auschwitz. In anticipation of the Soviet arrival, the German Gestapo began a murder spree in the camps, shooting sick prisoners and blowing up crematoria in a desperate attempt to destroy the evidence of their crimes. When the Red Army finally broke through, Soviet soldiers encountered 648 corpses and more than 7,000 starving camp survivors. There were also six storehouses filled with literally hundreds of thousands of women’s dresses, men’s suits, and shoes that the Germans did not have time to burn."

From the website: This is just a small account of the horrors that some groups of people had to endure during WWII. Only 70y ago this was happening. There was the kind of bigotry and narrow minds that roamed around and could run the world. Or try to.The US had such an important role in ending these despicable behaviors... Standing for the free world and for the rights of all people. At least that is how I have always seen or imagined the US. 

Going back a bit more in history, during the anti-Semitic campaign that the Nazis embarked on, there was something now labeled "Nazi propaganda". That propaganda included newspapers dedicated to exploit the "evils" of Jews and they devious behaviors. One of them was called "Der Stuermer". In one of the front articles of this publication, titled “Who is the Enemy?”, Jews are blamed for destroying social order and claims that Jews want war, while the rest of the world wants peace.

And today, while reading an Executive Order released on the 25th from the Office of the Press Secretary on "Enhancing Public Safety in the Interior of the United States":

"(...) To better inform the public regarding the public safety threats associated with sanctuary jurisdictions, the Secretary shall utilize the Declined Detainer Outcome Report or its equivalent and, on a weekly basis, make public a comprehensive list of criminal actions committed by aliens and any jurisdiction that ignored or otherwise failed to honor any detainers with respect to such aliens.(...)" 

I won't even go on to mention that these sanctuary jurisdictions are now to be deprived of Federal grants, so that alone will be a cause for an increase in crime rate. 

This is a modern witch hunt. Any and all data collected in those cities will be changed and edited in order to make it look like all illegal aliens are criminals. They won't publish how much they are contributing to the communities. How much they are saving employers and how hard workers they are. They won't list crime rates for US citizens. They will be "alternative facts". Facts that any person can disprove and counter in 5 minutes, but they will be accepted as true for the government because it fits their agenda. 

Today I feel the US went back 80y in time... 

White House Website

Can't help but follow the political developments as if it was a soap opera. Since yesterday I couldn't bring myself to watch the 1st presidential interview, I decided go to the White House webpage and try to educate myself a bit about this new presidency. 

Thought that clicking on the Statements and Releases from the Press Office would be a good start. And there I saw listed: 

January 25, 2017
President Trump Approves Georgia Disaster Declaration
January 25, 2017
President Trump Approves Oregon Disaster Declaration
January 25, 2017
President Trump Approves Mississippi Disaster Declaration

Wow, that is not so bad. Hopefully the federal aid will make it easier for these communities to recover from the fury of Mother Nature. Just because the POTUS is messing up the environment doesn't mean he doesn't try to mitigate effects... 

But then I ran into this:  

January 25, 2017

Praise for President Trump's Bold Action

What now? There is a "pat in the back" page? This presidency needs confirmation so bad that they roam news and social media looking for a "job well done" publications that they can copy and display? 

First listing read: 

A tweet! They have the transcription of a tweet right there! I kept making fun that the country was going to be ruled by Twitter. Apparently I wasn't all that wrong!

If only i could bring myself to tweet something nice so my name would show up listed in the White Houses official website...

Disclaimer: I do not know if previous presidencies had a similar page! If they did, my comments also apply to them! 

Blah blah blah

Choosing titles for the posts isn't always the easiest of tasks. Specially when not sure of what they will be about. I guess I could just type it up and name it after. That would be smart... So for now the title of the post is "Blah blah blah". If something different shows up, then I will know I ended up with a better idea! 

But for now, let me resume my regular ramblings! 

It is Thursday and I am sitting at work for one hour and eleven minutes. I have very little (to none) work to do. I have negative wish to do any work at all. I believe I mentioned this before but I am really tired of my job! [this is my space and I'll bitch and complain as often as I want!]. There are no prospects of growth and/or learning at this point. The only position that could grant some learning is now being taken by mini boss. As my super said yesterday "i understand blood is blood... but it sounds kind of shitty!". He is right! I wanted to learn more. I wanted to have more responsibility. To grow as a professional. 
But i guess none of this will happen... 
And why am I still here I may ask (has to be me, no one else reads this): because despite not being a fortune, the paycheck I get doesn't hurt... I was out looking for a new job online yesterday. I saw many postings offering the same hourly rate, but why changed from here to a new place to get paid the same and have less benefits? By benefits I mean "being able to call in sick/hookie and not get fired". I could also just move back to my country, but then I won't be making any money (getting a job there just feels like an impossible mission) and it would be a bit tight for a while... Decisions, decisions... 

TBT - movies

What movies released in January 1997 do I remember watching? 

Not many... 

From the 11 page list of movies released, it came down to: 

Speed 2... Not a great sequel, but Jason Patric is really cute. 

Evita. Never really watched the full movie, mostly because I have an unnatural dislike for Madonna. 

I haven't really watched this one, but it will now go into my list of movies to watch. And all due to my untold love from Viggo Mortensen... 

Oy vey

The wall and some more measures that will hurt the environment... Every day is a sad political day since 1/20/2017...

                                           (http://peterwsage.blogspot.com/2016/04/choosing-ugly-photo-of-trump.html)

Wounded pride

Neither the wish or the amount of work push me towards working. But i still try. I keep thinking of ways to improve our worksheets, our lists, back ups... 

And today I found out that someone that the bosses son, that started working here in the summer, took credit for an excel spreadsheet I made. In April. According to the boss, the one I made didn't work (funny enough, I just tested it and it works fine) and he had mini-boss re-do it. 

Awesome. Real cool. I need no recognition. Or raise. Or benefits. I am just happy to have a job where I have to do whatever they need me to do. I am not upset at all that their pay check is 5 times mine. Or that mini boss gets twice what i do. Or that they got end of year bonus that are about 3x my yearly salary. None of it bothers me. Of course not. Because I am not human. Because I see or know none of these things.... Too bad I do. I know all these values and what i feel are tremendous injustices. 

Sounds silly, it is silly for sure, but all this crap would be much more easy to endure if I got some recognition. A pat in the back for work well done. 

Since I don't.... Fuck it. Fuck them. I will just sit back through the 8 daily hours, navigate the WWW and pretend to work hard. I do that well enough. And if I don't, I am sure mini boss will do it for me! 

POTUS (ii)

The day where I follow politics is nearing. It is impossible not to these days. 

And it just dawned on me that the gentleman that occupies the position is a former reality TV presence. All he does must be focused on having people talking about him. Too bad he doesn't put in the effort to do good things and have the voices praising him instead of acting as expected and f$#@in' up...

Pictures of the crowd during inauguration day were online. There is a webcam that showed it while the ceremony was happening. During the parade, we could see that the streets were deserted in many areas. And yet I saw the statement saying there were bigger crowds than during Mr. Obama's inauguration. That this year they had protected the grass and that was why you could see the white. This is such a sad and pitiful excuse it is not even funny. 

And that ties up with the blatant disregard and disrespect for the Saturday parades. At the most, the outcome was him reinstating the Antiabortion policy for overseas groups. 

I could go on, the fact that work is slow and I insist in staying the full day allows me to read the news and follow these events, but I will stop now. It is a bit too depressing to carry on writing about... 

The new POTUS

I should start by saying I only learned today what POTUS means. Never had I ever heard or read that. Google told me it means "President of the United States". Fair enough, a title that big needs an acronym.

CNN's website has been open on my second screen all morning long, following the Inauguration day events. As of now, the USA has had a new president for 3h. And I strongly believe there is a fair amount of people out there thinking it is about time to get a new one... 

That must be the reason for all the protests. Namely the ones raving through DC. Big fan of peaceful protests. They are the perfect representation of a society that can express their opinions. But as soon as the first rock is thrown, or the first glass is broken, they loose all their validity. How will breaking the Starbucks storefront help make a point?

Saving the experience of listening to his speech later today, but couldn't help myself and read it online. 

These are the things that jumped at me while doing it: 

 "For too long, a small group in our nation's Capital has reaped the rewards of government while the people have borne the cost. Washington flourished -- but the people did not share in its wealth. Politicians prospered -- but the jobs left, and the factories closed."

This comes from a billionaire business man... Clearly he has reaped some rewards himself. 

"You came by the tens of millions to become part of a historic movement the likes of which the world has never seen before."

A lot of wishful thinking when he wrote this... 

"One by one, the factories shuttered and left our shores, with not even a thought about the millions upon millions of American workers left behind."

Wonder how many factories he employ out of the US. How many jobs he could be giving to the good american people... 

"The wealth of our middle class has been ripped from their homes and then redistributed across the entire world."

I like this line. It acknowledges who actually pays for everything: the middle class!

"We will follow two simple rules: Buy American and hire American."

This one kind of jeopardizes my position here... Legally in this country, but i'm still not American... 

"We will reinforce old alliances and form new ones -- and unite the civilized world against radical Islamic terrorism, which we will eradicate completely from the face of the Earth."

This statement feels a bit radical on its own... 

And these were my main thoughts on the speech. Not that someone cares, but I wanted to write it down anyway. All part of this wonderful country that allows for free speech! First Amendment rocks! 

And now I will keep watching the inaugural parade. Just waiting for them to pass some people watching, so far there is not much of a crowd showing...

TBT - hit song

According to the website http://www.bobborst.com/, the hit song during this period in 1997 was... 

... 


drum roll...

This was the hit song from December 1st 1996 to February 15th 1997. 

I can still sing along to it, even after all these years. 

And why chose this year? Because 1997 was a year of changes for me. I had to grow up real quick and become a grown up. No time or chance to be a teenager. I was 14 then and had to act the part of a 30y old. This was 20y ago. I feel more like a teenager today than i got to then.

Anyway, found this was a fun thing to look up! 

Daily ramblings

 - Went to "my" job-site today to pick up some stuff. Found out they are tossing stuff we HAD to paint last week. Talk about trowing away time and money. It is not my money, but it is my time and it pisses me off! Is planning ahead such an endeavor that the client can't manage? If they hired a couple less VP's of whatever and hired a few more people to actually do some thinking they might save themselves some cash...

- I've been sitting at work twiddling my thumbs since 9:15 am... OK, maybe 9:30 if i account for the e-mails sent and phone calls received. Bottom line is: I could be home and the work accomplished would be roughly the same. I've checked FB, Instagram, Snapchat, and I even installed Twitter just in case. Now I am extra bored with social media...

- Waiting on a call with prices to do something I am not really sure about, in a place I don't know very well, using a material I am not sure what it is. It will certainly go well!

- There will be a new president running the USA tomorrow. It deeply concerns me that the american citizens made the choice they did. There is always hope that he will tone it down, wise up and actually do less bad than expected. Found out today I know a guy in MN that will actually go down to DC to be present when he takes over. Wouldn't mind going back to DC, but not for this reason.

- My co-worker told me today he is looking for a new job. Had a feeling that was why he was acting so weird for the past couple of days. He is more tired of doing this as I am apparently. And I pretty sure he needs to be making a lot more $$ than he currently is to pay his bills.

- Guess that is enough ramblings for now. Brain just got disconnected and can't think of more stuff to type. Off to do a take off 1 month ahead of time!

Bowling and stuff II

Here I am, months after publishing the first post with this title, facing the same dilemma... Spent part of the morning re-doing the take off from some new prints for a different bowling alley. I only confirmed what i had written before. Pretty sure I have the correct scope written down. And now I have to call the subs that bid for it and confirm they included it all. And my wish to do it is zero. I could even submit to my laziness, if the boss hadn't told me to do it today. 

As an update, the other remodels are partially done. Not completed because we received some more changes last week. Work is good. Money is good. Keeping busy is good. At least this is the mantra I have to keep repeating to convince myself that I should be sitting at my desk instead of at home... 

I must confess I gave in to temptation yesterday and called in sick. My normal morning headache became a "migraine" and it was my justification to stay home. Not very proud of it. But the fact remains that i enjoyed being able to be at home relaxing. I feel I am ready to pack up and move back to Portugal. But yesterday when I told the hubbie I was a bit burned out with this, he only giggled. I know deep down he was making fun of me. After all, I've only been doing this for 4y, shouldn't be this tired of it.... But I am! Does that make me lazy? Or maybe I am just homesick? For sure in desperate need of something different. 

And now that i rambled a bit, it is time to get back to work and do something...

                                  (http://nedhardy.com/)

Too early to be drunk?

I should be typing the post title on Google and seeing the responses.

My grown nephew (actually its the hubbies nephew) sent a text to a family group, saying he was drunk "as per usual". Considering it is 3pm on a Monday it gets me a bit concerned. He works at a bar, so i understand being drunk at the end of the shift... or on a night outing... or at any social event. But being drunk at this time? Sounds awfully like a drinking problem by now... Sure he is a grown up, legal age to drink and all. But deep down he is an overgrown baby, with no real life plan or goals. Or he did and he dropped them when it proved to be too hard. 

Just afraid he is lost and trying to find his way at the bottom of the bottle... 

😩

Unexpected results II

Just as an update of the previous post: I need to have one or several of the pictures framed and hung around the house for a reminder of my resolution. Apart from my newly found aversion for M&M's (why oh why, and I loved them so much...) and Oreo's [ever since i had my January stomach episode I don't feel like eating them] my love for sugar and sweets goes strong and unsupervised. There must be something really wrong with my brain. What other explanation can there be for it not to follow through with resolutions that would be so beneficial for my health? I would say it is all fault of my lacking self control, but that comes from the brain too, so I believe I found a culprit of me being fat! 

Unexpected results

Today is a slow day at work. This only means one thing: plenty of secret visits to Facebook, news sites and random browsing for totally not-work related topics. 

While embarking in one  of those activities, I saw a mention of the work of a photographer that displayed love between people, despite their size, race or gender. I clicked the link and started looking at pictures. Beautifully taken, of people feeling comfortable in their skin, posing by their loved ones in intimate positions. I strongly believe the goal was to make people feel well and confidant that size has no influence on the choices of the heart. That you should feel good about yourself and just lead a healthy happy life. And it somehow only made me feel an intense urge to loose weight and exercise a bit. I guess that is not a bad thing, but it's still weird how my brain processed the images so differently from their original intent.

So now I get to sit here thinking of my new found goal, while time doesn't fly and 5 o'clock sits millions of hours from now.

Happy New Year [OMG - it is 2017 already!]

I am pretty sure 2016 lasted a couple less months than usual years! I won't believe the calendars that tell us it lasted 366 days because I am positive it only lasted like 60 or 70... But those days were all super long and all spent at work! 

And then 2017 started! ...

And in the first few days I spent a ton of $$ at the vet clinic, fell on my butt (slipped on ice), had stomach problems and a fever. Came back to work and found that nothing had changed or been done in the projects i was managing... 

2017 is in its 11th calendar day. Yet it feels we should be nearing March or April by now... 

Maybe it is the side of me that had to drive on snow for a couple of days and is now ready for Summer (when am I not ready for Summer?). 

Maybe it is the side of me that is ready to move back to Portugal and leave all of this behind... No one is stopping other than myself. Or the me that wants to save a little more. But is it worth it? Where is the magic 8 ball that actually tells me what to do and when to do it? A little guidance here would be appreciated... or if I am being honest (and why not, it is just me and me here), what i really want is to have the hubby say "let's move now" and just do it! Pack bags and the cat and move! Or not have to pack anything, just hit the teleport button and have the house, with all inside (us and cat included) all moved to Portugal. That would, indeed, be the sweetest thing! And since I am asking, why not ask for a good paying job waiting for me? 

Sadly these are all wishes, and we all know wishes aren't horses... 

Now back to work, because being writing here certainly isn't in my (very vast) job description...