Slow days

When at work, it's nice to have something to do. Just to help pass the time. I don't mean to be overwhelmed with tasks, but to have enough to keep me busy for a few hours. Sadly that is not the case at the moment.
We are only dealing with small little projects that the mini boss is looking over and some warranty stuff that the big boss is dealing with. That leaves me with little to nothing to do. Send a couple of emails, answer a phone call... and kill time... Since I get paid by the hour worked, that leaves me with mixed feelings: should i stay here just in case and get paid or do I just go or stay home due to lack of work? Been trying to compromise and not do full days, staying for only a couple of hours... I will have to discuss this with the bosses so we reach an agreement. Don't want them thinking i am taking advantage of their good will, but I also don't want them to think i am trying to steal their money!

This morning when the alarm clock rang, I felt like I had sand bags sitting in my eyes. Waking up was a true pain. Thought about calling it a day and staying home, but calling it with such short notice wasn't really right. And now I sit here, waiting for an email and playing games on my phone... just isn't right.

Fairly certain that after I bitch about this, a number of projects will show up on my email... fingers crossed!

About Portugal

It really was wonderful to see my people. To be with them. To be able to reach out and touch them.

There was no sightseeing, not tourism, I just spent time with my loved ones. Hubbie was probably bored out of his mind, but he was a sport about it. At some point he even gave up on the social outings, and just stayed at my parents playing on the laptop. They were his vacation too, so he got to do whatever he wanted!

As always, time seemed to fly. It probably did. But i tried to enjoy it as much as i could. There was a few days of tension, because hubbie didn't want to go look at houses for sale as I wanted. Left me wondering WTF he is thinking and if or when we are actually moving there. I tried to take my mind off of it while there, so I could enjoy the time, but now we will need to talk about it.... Kind of dreading it, so procrastinating as much as I can.

The weather was not on my side and i didn't get to go swimming. Or using most of the clothes I had planned on, since it was kind of chilly. But chilly there is still warm when compared to MN Winter/Fall/Spring, so no complaints!

I must say I dislike flying. I don't like the airport wait, the long hours confined in the airplane, the jet lag... But it is all worth it in the end!

Dealing with tantrums

I apologize in advance to the poor soul who found this blog in a search for how to deal with difficult or stubborn child. This is not the right place for that.

What follows is a rant about grown-ups that behave like children.

- At work one of our clients, who is an idiot, refused to shake mini boss' hand today. This because mini boss dared to send an email to one of the guys co-workers asking for a revised PO. Since mini boss emailed the accounting person, seems like he did nothing wrong. But per the client that was a huge disrespect and cause to halt new projects with us. Also cause to be rude to mini boss. I just can't understand how a self respecting professional works like that. How he can plainly ignore someone you are working for/with you. All the emails he send are addressed to me, even if mini boss is the one responding. As stated, client is an idiot. But if I am not mistaken, he won't be a client for much longer...

- Miss S sent me a couple of messages on Whatsapp, very passive aggressive saying i had no business telling her ex that she was in love with another guy. Seems he called and told her someone had told him and she instantly assumed i had been the one. And I was pissed. At her for believing i would tell him something she told me and at him for making it sound like i did. I told her I would send her snaps of our full convo if she needed proof. My bottom line is a lesson to me of just staying out of it all and not talking to either of them.

- POTUS. Because he is a prime example of a grown up behaving like a spoiled toddler. For more info just refer to anything posted by him on Twitter.

This being said, I am currently the holder of a massive head ache and feel as grumpy as it gets. Over things i mostly can't control, but still disgust me.

About jealousy and relationships

A quick search on Google defines jealousy as:

1. jealous resentment against a rival, a person enjoying success or advantage, etc., or against other's success or advantage itself.
2. mental uneasiness from suspicion or fear of rivalry, unfaithfulness, etc., as in love or aims. 
3. vigilance in maintaining or guarding something. 

Doing a honest assessment of myself, and with much input from my mother over many years, it seems I was jealous of my brother while growing up. Reading the first definition, I guess there was some resentment over the love he got from my mum. Looking back I am not proud to admit it. It never affected our relationship and we were always friends. I always loved my brother to bits. But still the resentment was there. I also have been told that my brother was in fact the golden child and got a bit more loving than myself, but it's no excuse regardless. It is still a bad feeling and should have no place. 

Being in a relationship, I am fortunate enough to trust my hubby enough not to have that "mental uneasiness from suspicion or unfaithfulness". It feels foreign to admit it, but I realized it's the truth. 

But others aren't as lucky. And it brings me to what motivated this post.... 

A bit of context: playing Neverwinter we get the chance to run content with other players. Doing that we started running quite a bit with a couple from Germany. They were nice and friendly so we became what can be called as virtual long distance friends. For the sake of clarity, lets call them Mr. S and Miss S. They weren't married, but had a long time relationship and children. And the use of past in the verb is correct. 

Before our Portuguese vacation Miss S has complained about Mr S jealously. That he didn't trust her and was too insecure about her feelings and that it was very off putting. As someone who had been called jealous all her life, I tried explaining to her that it was hard to control and it had more to do with our own anxiety and feeling of being inadequate than anything else. 

During our vacation, Miss S messaged my hubby saying they were broken up and there was no way back. Mr S also messaged me and told me the same thing. He even said he had done some things that he wasn't proud of, and that the jealousy got the best of him. 

Yesterday Miss S messages me and says she is head over heels over this "new" guy. That she knows him from work and they have been talking for a while. That he was very supportive during the break up. That he is everything she wants. Everything and more, since he has a girlfriend... 

Also yesterday, Mr S messaged me and asked if I had been talking to her, and asking if she had told me about this guy she is in love with. Not only was I stunned that they both decided to bring the topic up on the same day, I couldn't believe that Mr S knew about that, when my naive mind felt that it should be something kind of private of Miss S. 

So I ask her if there was any way of Mr S know of this (ok... i thought he had her FB password and was reading her private chats) and she tells me he was always jealous of that guy and was just guessing. 

And it all comes full circle and lets me wondering... was Mr S really jealous or was he reacting to her own shift of feelings and unfaithfulness? Even if she never got physical with the new guy, all the messaging (hence her not wanting to disclose to him who she was texting) kind of counts as cheating by my book. And now Mr S is the one without a home and without being able to see or talk to his kids because she can't stand him... Somehow it doesn't seem fair at all. 

Even without wanting to take sides I am team Mr S on this. He took care of her and her eldest children. He loves her and them. And then he was kicked to the curb and left with nothing when someone shinier showed up and swept her away. Regardless of that new one being in a relationship.... 

There, end of rant for now. Most likely i am wrong in my assessment. There are other things I am not aware of. I am a terrible person. Whatever. Just wanted to get it out of my chest... 

Update on sickies

Just for future reference: I am still coughing and the eyes are still itchy. I will blame that on the usual Spring allergies. 

Hubby might still live. He traded the bed for the couch yesterday and even found the strength in him to play for like 20 mins...   

He is still recovering, but nearly not as dire as he makes it sound like. But sure, if that is what takes him to feel better, why not... 

On the bright side: not playing Neverwinter intensively has allowed me to finish reading a full book! The joy of laying on the couch reading is something i tend to forget to easily. Wonder if I will be able to start another today or the man will be OK enough to resume gaming activities... 

The joys of the common cold...

... can't name any at the moment...

Managed to share mine with hubbie, that took it upon himself to be all bitchy and moody about it...

Yeah, it was my plan all along to catch a cold, feel miserable for an undetermined period of time and give it to you so you can also feel that way. The difference is that you get to stay home in bed moping and I have to come to work. And after i get to go home and resume normal tasks, like eating, talking, housework...

I am happy that he can stay in bed and do his healing process... just not happy at all about his attitude towards me. What's with the angry demeanor? I am truly sorry he is sick and feeling bad, but why should I have to take shit from him for it?

Hate wanting to stay at work on a Monday just not to deal with Mr. Grumpy...

TGIF

Come on Friday hours: run fast and allow me to go home and take a 48h nap!

So much work to do, so little energy to do it... But i am giving it my all just by keeping my eyes open instead of laying my head on the table and catch a few zzzz... Stupid allergies/sinus infection/cold...

Back

And we are back from vacation!

At work with a major cold. Cough, stuffed nose, trouble breathing, ...

So i would really like to talk about my vacation and how nice it was. But all i really want is to ride out the 8h at work and go back to bed... and  i can't even do that, since we have a birthday dinner to go to today.

😓😢