(Online) diary of a fat girl - 3

It has been two weeks since I started taking better care of my diet. That means I am not skipping meals, I'm trying to drink more water and... eating less sugar/sweets. In addition to that, my hubbies cooking (he cooks the meals during the week) are filled with veggies and healthy stuff. 

That being said, I can actually see differences! These are the most relevant: 

• What they say about drinking more water and having better skin? Lies, all lies! My skin has the texture of a parchment these days. There is not enough moisturizer in the Clinique department at Macy's!
  
• I can actually keep a sleeping schedule! It goes something like this:
  [7:30 am - 9:30 pm] "I am sooooo sleepy! I need a nap, please let me take a nap!"
  [9:31 pm - 10 pm] "Ok, time to get ready for bed." "Oh, it feels nice and confy"
  [10:05 pm - 12:30 am] "Time to sleep! Close your eyes and sleep now"
  [12:35am - 7:29 am] = 5 minutes (time of day when 7 h = 5 min)
  
• My BM's are on a good and regular schedule - Actual benefit!
  
• I think about eating chocolate 18/7 and I am grumpy and bitchy most the time... 

The joys of a wannabe diet... 

Bored?

It dawned on me yesterday! While I was driving home, trying to figure out was it has been so hard for me to be at work and actually focus: I am bored with what I do! I should of figured it out earlier, it makes perfect sense. I like to learn new things at work. To do stuff that challenge me. And I do like to feel I am improving at what I do. And at my current job, there is only so much I can improve on my own. It wouldn’t hurt if I got compliments on my work a little more often, or if I felt I was being recognized. But apparently the gig is to assume all will be done correctly and only say something if something comes out wrong. And blame me, even if it is not my fault or responsibility. Routine kills me. Repetition drowns my spirit.

On my free time I like to play games. I even get bored with those, within a couple of weeks. Shouldn’t surprise me I got bored and tired of the (same) work after a couple of years. But games I can give up on, stop playing or put on pause. And apparently if you do that with work… you don’t get paid! And I have this fondness for the paycheck at the end of the month….

Btw, yesterday I was calculating our taxes for this year… I better get back to work and make the money I need to write the IRS a big fat check… Refund season for me always means me giving more money to the IRS… I am pretty sure I am not pleased with this arrangement! 

Thursday blues

It has been days since I was myself. There is someone else living in my skin. I can see it being there, doing things in my place. I can feel it's hunger and sleep. But all the things that make me me are hidden and dormant. I wake up in the morning, wait for the alarm clock to ring and then fight the urge to just curl under the covers and pretend the world doesn't exist. 

My days are a constant fight between my sour mood and the need to be nice and pleasant. The me that isn't me plays the part of the real me fooling the people around (not like someone is paying close attention) and killing off the real me a bit each day. 

It is a matter of time until the me that i recognize disappears. 

'Till then... It was nice knowing the real me! 

Spring

Spring arrived last Monday! Cardinals and Great Tits (THE BIRD) have been chirping around for days. And today they get snowed on! Not fair for the poor fellas! Them or me... Ready for Spring, for green grass, for trees blooming and flowers showing their pretty colors. 
But instead we get a mild snow storm. I guess it could be worst: it could of been a major snow storm instead. But it is still enough to make me want to cuddle with a blanket and a good book at home.

Oh warm weather, how I miss you... 

Sad day for the world

Explosions in Brussels.

The so-called Islamic State Group said it was behind the attacks. 

It is just plain sad that there are still people willing to kill others (and themselves) in the name of...? ... a cause? ... a calling? Why? What is so important that justifies the death of innocent people. Parents, children, loved ones. People that were just living their lives. Maybe leaving for vacation. Maybe saying a goodbye to their loved ones, not thinking it would be their final one. Someone taking the subway to get to work, to school... 

Today is a sad day for the world. Belgium cries for their losses and the world should cry with them. In solidarity. In shame. 

(Online) diary of a fat girl 2

I found out last weekend that there is a book with the same name as this string of posts!

Talk about not being original... :( My apologies to Ms. Moira Mugweni). Just in case, I will change the title a wee bit. 

I did read the book over the weekend. And I liked it! Teenager kind of book, but apparently i didn't outgrow my 18y fat self (despite being almost twice as old as that...). And the girl actually lost some weight. And found her self confidence! I wish I could find mine too... 

Went to the doctor last week for some issues I have been having. I am pretty sure the diagnosis was done way before the doctor started talking to me. As soon as I saw her walk in the office, all skin and bones, I figured the weight would be an issue. She didn't tell me right away. First she called some blood work and ultra-sound. Then she called me a few days later and told me I was overweight. NO SHIT Sherlock! She also told me that could explain the issues I have been having. Sure it does. Not sure if it explains the "disappearing" (the ultrasound didn't show anything out of place) of the growths in my liver that were diagnosed years ago.  Of course all the stomach issues are weight related... 

I am not naive enough to think that being overweight is the healthiest choice for me, but I am pretty sure that my complaints are not weight related. 

Now to wait a while for the next episode and then take myself to the ER.  

Monday bitching

It is Monday. That alone makes me grumpier than usual (Garfield has nothing on me). 

The weekend was way to small to accommodate all my need to do nothing and relax. Plus I had to squeeze in visits to the hubby's family (twice!). That being said, my mood today when the alarm clock went off wasn't the best. 

But i did manage to get up, get ready, come to work  AND arrive on time! 

After a few hours in, my boss asks me how I could miss something in a project we've been working on. I did in fact miss it. But so did he. The person who knows these things inside out and that qualified bids and writes contracts. Why exactly I am the one to blame just baffles me... And when he figured he should be blaming himself, did he apologize? Hell no! God forbid these people know the power of an apology... 

It didn't help my mood. And now I am debating if I should go earlier or if I should stay a few more hours just to get paid for them. Not a very nice thing to do, I know... but I do things much faster than my co-worker and get no credit or extra for it.

And if I went home earlier I am pretty sure it would only be to sit on the couch and watch the hubby playing with his phone. Boring, boring, boring! 

And that is it! Ranting done!