Wounded pride

Neither the wish or the amount of work push me towards working. But i still try. I keep thinking of ways to improve our worksheets, our lists, back ups... 

And today I found out that someone that the bosses son, that started working here in the summer, took credit for an excel spreadsheet I made. In April. According to the boss, the one I made didn't work (funny enough, I just tested it and it works fine) and he had mini-boss re-do it. 

Awesome. Real cool. I need no recognition. Or raise. Or benefits. I am just happy to have a job where I have to do whatever they need me to do. I am not upset at all that their pay check is 5 times mine. Or that mini boss gets twice what i do. Or that they got end of year bonus that are about 3x my yearly salary. None of it bothers me. Of course not. Because I am not human. Because I see or know none of these things.... Too bad I do. I know all these values and what i feel are tremendous injustices. 

Sounds silly, it is silly for sure, but all this crap would be much more easy to endure if I got some recognition. A pat in the back for work well done. 

Since I don't.... Fuck it. Fuck them. I will just sit back through the 8 daily hours, navigate the WWW and pretend to work hard. I do that well enough. And if I don't, I am sure mini boss will do it for me! 

POTUS (ii)

The day where I follow politics is nearing. It is impossible not to these days. 

And it just dawned on me that the gentleman that occupies the position is a former reality TV presence. All he does must be focused on having people talking about him. Too bad he doesn't put in the effort to do good things and have the voices praising him instead of acting as expected and f$#@in' up...

Pictures of the crowd during inauguration day were online. There is a webcam that showed it while the ceremony was happening. During the parade, we could see that the streets were deserted in many areas. And yet I saw the statement saying there were bigger crowds than during Mr. Obama's inauguration. That this year they had protected the grass and that was why you could see the white. This is such a sad and pitiful excuse it is not even funny. 

And that ties up with the blatant disregard and disrespect for the Saturday parades. At the most, the outcome was him reinstating the Antiabortion policy for overseas groups. 

I could go on, the fact that work is slow and I insist in staying the full day allows me to read the news and follow these events, but I will stop now. It is a bit too depressing to carry on writing about... 

The new POTUS

I should start by saying I only learned today what POTUS means. Never had I ever heard or read that. Google told me it means "President of the United States". Fair enough, a title that big needs an acronym.

CNN's website has been open on my second screen all morning long, following the Inauguration day events. As of now, the USA has had a new president for 3h. And I strongly believe there is a fair amount of people out there thinking it is about time to get a new one... 

That must be the reason for all the protests. Namely the ones raving through DC. Big fan of peaceful protests. They are the perfect representation of a society that can express their opinions. But as soon as the first rock is thrown, or the first glass is broken, they loose all their validity. How will breaking the Starbucks storefront help make a point?

Saving the experience of listening to his speech later today, but couldn't help myself and read it online. 

These are the things that jumped at me while doing it: 

 "For too long, a small group in our nation's Capital has reaped the rewards of government while the people have borne the cost. Washington flourished -- but the people did not share in its wealth. Politicians prospered -- but the jobs left, and the factories closed."

This comes from a billionaire business man... Clearly he has reaped some rewards himself. 

"You came by the tens of millions to become part of a historic movement the likes of which the world has never seen before."

A lot of wishful thinking when he wrote this... 

"One by one, the factories shuttered and left our shores, with not even a thought about the millions upon millions of American workers left behind."

Wonder how many factories he employ out of the US. How many jobs he could be giving to the good american people... 

"The wealth of our middle class has been ripped from their homes and then redistributed across the entire world."

I like this line. It acknowledges who actually pays for everything: the middle class!

"We will follow two simple rules: Buy American and hire American."

This one kind of jeopardizes my position here... Legally in this country, but i'm still not American... 

"We will reinforce old alliances and form new ones -- and unite the civilized world against radical Islamic terrorism, which we will eradicate completely from the face of the Earth."

This statement feels a bit radical on its own... 

And these were my main thoughts on the speech. Not that someone cares, but I wanted to write it down anyway. All part of this wonderful country that allows for free speech! First Amendment rocks! 

And now I will keep watching the inaugural parade. Just waiting for them to pass some people watching, so far there is not much of a crowd showing...

TBT - hit song

According to the website http://www.bobborst.com/, the hit song during this period in 1997 was... 

... 


drum roll...

This was the hit song from December 1st 1996 to February 15th 1997. 

I can still sing along to it, even after all these years. 

And why chose this year? Because 1997 was a year of changes for me. I had to grow up real quick and become a grown up. No time or chance to be a teenager. I was 14 then and had to act the part of a 30y old. This was 20y ago. I feel more like a teenager today than i got to then.

Anyway, found this was a fun thing to look up! 

Daily ramblings

 - Went to "my" job-site today to pick up some stuff. Found out they are tossing stuff we HAD to paint last week. Talk about trowing away time and money. It is not my money, but it is my time and it pisses me off! Is planning ahead such an endeavor that the client can't manage? If they hired a couple less VP's of whatever and hired a few more people to actually do some thinking they might save themselves some cash...

- I've been sitting at work twiddling my thumbs since 9:15 am... OK, maybe 9:30 if i account for the e-mails sent and phone calls received. Bottom line is: I could be home and the work accomplished would be roughly the same. I've checked FB, Instagram, Snapchat, and I even installed Twitter just in case. Now I am extra bored with social media...

- Waiting on a call with prices to do something I am not really sure about, in a place I don't know very well, using a material I am not sure what it is. It will certainly go well!

- There will be a new president running the USA tomorrow. It deeply concerns me that the american citizens made the choice they did. There is always hope that he will tone it down, wise up and actually do less bad than expected. Found out today I know a guy in MN that will actually go down to DC to be present when he takes over. Wouldn't mind going back to DC, but not for this reason.

- My co-worker told me today he is looking for a new job. Had a feeling that was why he was acting so weird for the past couple of days. He is more tired of doing this as I am apparently. And I pretty sure he needs to be making a lot more $$ than he currently is to pay his bills.

- Guess that is enough ramblings for now. Brain just got disconnected and can't think of more stuff to type. Off to do a take off 1 month ahead of time!

Bowling and stuff II

Here I am, months after publishing the first post with this title, facing the same dilemma... Spent part of the morning re-doing the take off from some new prints for a different bowling alley. I only confirmed what i had written before. Pretty sure I have the correct scope written down. And now I have to call the subs that bid for it and confirm they included it all. And my wish to do it is zero. I could even submit to my laziness, if the boss hadn't told me to do it today. 

As an update, the other remodels are partially done. Not completed because we received some more changes last week. Work is good. Money is good. Keeping busy is good. At least this is the mantra I have to keep repeating to convince myself that I should be sitting at my desk instead of at home... 

I must confess I gave in to temptation yesterday and called in sick. My normal morning headache became a "migraine" and it was my justification to stay home. Not very proud of it. But the fact remains that i enjoyed being able to be at home relaxing. I feel I am ready to pack up and move back to Portugal. But yesterday when I told the hubbie I was a bit burned out with this, he only giggled. I know deep down he was making fun of me. After all, I've only been doing this for 4y, shouldn't be this tired of it.... But I am! Does that make me lazy? Or maybe I am just homesick? For sure in desperate need of something different. 

And now that i rambled a bit, it is time to get back to work and do something...

                                  (http://nedhardy.com/)

Too early to be drunk?

I should be typing the post title on Google and seeing the responses.

My grown nephew (actually its the hubbies nephew) sent a text to a family group, saying he was drunk "as per usual". Considering it is 3pm on a Monday it gets me a bit concerned. He works at a bar, so i understand being drunk at the end of the shift... or on a night outing... or at any social event. But being drunk at this time? Sounds awfully like a drinking problem by now... Sure he is a grown up, legal age to drink and all. But deep down he is an overgrown baby, with no real life plan or goals. Or he did and he dropped them when it proved to be too hard. 

Just afraid he is lost and trying to find his way at the bottom of the bottle... 

😩

Unexpected results II

Just as an update of the previous post: I need to have one or several of the pictures framed and hung around the house for a reminder of my resolution. Apart from my newly found aversion for M&M's (why oh why, and I loved them so much...) and Oreo's [ever since i had my January stomach episode I don't feel like eating them] my love for sugar and sweets goes strong and unsupervised. There must be something really wrong with my brain. What other explanation can there be for it not to follow through with resolutions that would be so beneficial for my health? I would say it is all fault of my lacking self control, but that comes from the brain too, so I believe I found a culprit of me being fat! 

Unexpected results

Today is a slow day at work. This only means one thing: plenty of secret visits to Facebook, news sites and random browsing for totally not-work related topics. 

While embarking in one  of those activities, I saw a mention of the work of a photographer that displayed love between people, despite their size, race or gender. I clicked the link and started looking at pictures. Beautifully taken, of people feeling comfortable in their skin, posing by their loved ones in intimate positions. I strongly believe the goal was to make people feel well and confidant that size has no influence on the choices of the heart. That you should feel good about yourself and just lead a healthy happy life. And it somehow only made me feel an intense urge to loose weight and exercise a bit. I guess that is not a bad thing, but it's still weird how my brain processed the images so differently from their original intent.

So now I get to sit here thinking of my new found goal, while time doesn't fly and 5 o'clock sits millions of hours from now.

Happy New Year [OMG - it is 2017 already!]

I am pretty sure 2016 lasted a couple less months than usual years! I won't believe the calendars that tell us it lasted 366 days because I am positive it only lasted like 60 or 70... But those days were all super long and all spent at work! 

And then 2017 started! ...

And in the first few days I spent a ton of $$ at the vet clinic, fell on my butt (slipped on ice), had stomach problems and a fever. Came back to work and found that nothing had changed or been done in the projects i was managing... 

2017 is in its 11th calendar day. Yet it feels we should be nearing March or April by now... 

Maybe it is the side of me that had to drive on snow for a couple of days and is now ready for Summer (when am I not ready for Summer?). 

Maybe it is the side of me that is ready to move back to Portugal and leave all of this behind... No one is stopping other than myself. Or the me that wants to save a little more. But is it worth it? Where is the magic 8 ball that actually tells me what to do and when to do it? A little guidance here would be appreciated... or if I am being honest (and why not, it is just me and me here), what i really want is to have the hubby say "let's move now" and just do it! Pack bags and the cat and move! Or not have to pack anything, just hit the teleport button and have the house, with all inside (us and cat included) all moved to Portugal. That would, indeed, be the sweetest thing! And since I am asking, why not ask for a good paying job waiting for me? 

Sadly these are all wishes, and we all know wishes aren't horses... 

Now back to work, because being writing here certainly isn't in my (very vast) job description... 

Broken

This is proving to be a lot rougher than I can handle... 

Missing home

The title says it all: I miss home! Not the one I have over here with my husband and the kitty, but the one across the ocean. The one where my family and friends are. Where I can drive for less than an hour and smell that wonderful ocean. The country of good food and affordable health care.
The country that won the UEFA Euro 2016 cup!

I should be going on an on about it. And part of me wants to, I am very happy about that win, for many many reasons. Also happy about all the other sport wins that happened during the weekend. But the soccer one had a little more impact on me. I have been waiting for it for my entire life. Watched countless games, cried over it, suffered and celebrated. But never lost the hope that would happen. And now it did!

But today all I can feel is this longing to be with my people. To hear my language being talked around me. To not be here. Guess I'm tired. And can't fight it much longer.
It pains me to take my husband away from the place where he has been living for the past... many years. To a place where he doesn't understand the language. But we agreed on that move, and he seems to be ok with doing it, so it will have to happen sooner rather than later!
A part of me wanted to stay a bit longer. Save some more money. Get a little retirement fund going on. The other part of me just can't stand it anymore.

Wonder if hours of sleep and rest would make this feel less hard. Make it more bearable. But for now I am not getting that rest, so I will just bitch and hope for the day when I return. When I get a nice new place and can take the kitty to meet the Portuguese family. People that love her already and would be totally fine with taking care of her while we away....

I should go on, get things out of my system. But i will finish, readjust my happy mask, and carry on.

Pink nails

Sitting at work I realize I worked myself senseless last week (s). That only caused me still be drained today! After wrapping a bid last week for a big and confusing project, i only have 2 new ones to work on. One bids tomorrow and the other next week. Pretty confident both outcomes will be sucky, but at this point I really don't care. I have been doing all I can to make things happen, but there is only so much that someone with my knowledge and motivation can get done!

So instead of calling people and leaving voice mails (it is lunch time), I decided to come over and write something! Of course as soon as I did, all the topic ideas flew away and left me with the usual blank canvas.  While staring at my hands paused on the keyboard, my pink nails stood out and the title came along!

Yesterday was grocery shopping day! While the hubby chose a shampoo (it is such a rare event that he didn't even know how to approach the aisle) I went to look at the available polish colors.
Since moving to the US Sally Hansen has been my chosen brand. But the fact that the regular polish chips within 2 days of application always bugged me, leading me to splurge on gel nails... Until now!
Sally Hansen released this miracle polish thingy that doesn't need the special light and lasts up to 14 days! I tried it and it lasts me 9 days before starting to chip.
So it is time to start a nice little collection of colors! Cream, Pink and Blue are the first ones. Bolder colors to follow! And the happy feeling of only spending $7.99 a jar instead of the $30 every other week for the gel application!

And now back to work, rocking my pink nails and my lack of wish to work....

4/25/1974 (US) & 25/4/1974 (Portugal)

Regardless of how I write the date, the feeling still stands that I should not be working today!

This is a day filled with historic meaning in Portugal.

Quoting Wikipedia:

“The Carnation Revolution, also referred to as the 25 April, was initially a military coup in Lisbon, Portugal, on 25 April 1974 which overthrew the regime of the Estado Novo. The revolution started as a military coup organized by the Armed Forces Movement composed of military officers who opposed the regime, but the movement was soon coupled with an unanticipated and popular campaign of civil resistance. This movement would lead to the fall of the Estado Novo and the withdrawal of Portugal from its African colonies and East Timor.

The name "Carnation Revolution" comes from the fact that almost no shots were fired and when the population took to the streets to celebrate the end of the dictatorship and war in the colonies, carnations were put into the muzzles of rifles and on the uniforms of the army men. In Portugal, the 25th of April is a national holiday, known as Freedom Day, to celebrate the event.”

[I could of wrote an explanation myself, but I just felt it would be easier to copy someone else’s work – COPY PASTE RULES!]

This was always a day of staying home with the family. Having my dad tell us how he had been woken early in the morning to go and guard the evacuation  of the prison in Peniche. My mother telling how she was running back and forth, almost 8 months pregnant with my brother, to report the news she was listening on the radio. Each member of the family that had some sort of memory of that day would share it. And despite us having heard the same reports year after year, we still asked for them and brought the topic up. And today, while sitting grudgingly at work, I miss that. I am missing out on that experience once again.

Instead I am sitting at work, trying to find electricians in KS. Every little girl’s dream… 

:(

Today Minnesota is in mourning. People and companies are coming together and painting this state with purple. Radio stations have been playing Prince’s songs non-stop since we first heard the news yesterday morning.

It was a  loss to the music scene around the world, but to MN particularly. RIP Prince. 

Random thoughts

- Today is Wednesday and every fiber in my body begs for it to be Friday;

- My boss payed me a compliment earlier today. He just came out and said that I was doing a god job (he was listened to my phone conversation). It was so unexpected and unusual that my brain didn’t even register the event when it happened. 

- The “torture sessions” [loving nickname I gave to the mini workouts I have been doing] at home continue for me. I don’t believe for a sec that the hubby is still doing them, since I have never seen it happen (not even during the weekend, when I wake up first and go to sleep at the same time). The sore feeling is gone, but it is still very hard to complete the exercises. And I definitely complain and bitch a lot while doing them. 

I guess that is it… I know I wanted to write some more things, but the lack of proper rest is taking its toll on me! 

Just plain rude

There are people out there owning business that should just leave the paperwork and public relations to someone else. That would save them the hassle of doing the work and would also save us, the people who call them and need them to do the work, to get bombed with their BS or  with their aptitude for offensive swearing. I swear as much as the next person (fine, maybe just a bit less), but dropping the  F word several times in a phone call with your employer (with the person that literally writes your payment check) just seems like a stupid move.

That being said, a plumber 915 miles away (1472 Kms) managed to leave everyone at the office feeling uneasy. What is really surprising is that it could all be avoided (the headache, him losing his contract, us having to find someone else to do the work) if he had been honest and upfront about things. Instead he tried to lie and make up excuses for everything that went wrong, even if his fault was as clear as a nice summer day.

That being said, let me make some calls to try and find some more people that down the road may or may not prove to be assholes … 

Day 3

When the alarm went off this morning, my first thought was "pretty sure both the cat and hubby are sleeping on top of me". Only logical explanation as to why I felt so "squeezed". Then as I reached to silence the relentless alarm it dawned on me... After getting home yesterday I was subject to another session of torture. Hubby claimed he had done his already, but I will believe it when I see it! The weekend will clarify my doubts!  I then proceeded to evaluate if I really needed to wash my air. Wouldn't it be OK if it was a little gross if that meant I didn't need to raise my arms higher than my waist? It turned out it wasn’t ok, so just do it! After the shower and getting dressed, the pain started subsiding a bit and became more of a nuisance that intense pain. Or so I keep telling myself!How on earth do those people that go on losing weight shows manage to start exercising for a full day, every day?! I can barely move after a few minutes and they push on and on! Going to use that to fuel my day and keep positive! If they can do it, so can I! Just need to suck it up an act like a grown up. Muscles are sore, but it is worth it! Not even thinking of the eventual/possible weight loss, but of the added strength and flexibility. The muscles that are sore are returning to an active life, and that can only be good. And apparently there are muscles hidden behind my boobs and on my sides! Came I as  shocker!That being said, time to start working and go through the day.Happy Friday! 

Update

In the interest of full disclosure, I must publicly say that my arms are currently trembling at the effort of typing and grabbing sheets of paper of the printer. 

Considering the weather is warmer I can't really pin it on being cold... 

This is turning out to be a very long day at work! 

TV shows and mid-life crisis

My hubbies birthday was yesterday. He doesn’t really celebrate or care for his birthdays at all (as mentioned before). Ended up getting him a cake and that was it!

After dinner, while we were watching TV he says something about “having done his calisthenics in the morning”. “you did what now?” Apparently he decided he needs to get fitter and started doing push-ups and curls and stretches and that kind of stuff. “Good for you baby, you should of waited for me so I could spot your sit-ups”. Notice I did  not mention in any way me doing those kind of torture exercises!

It seems like a good timing to mention that my flexibility is in the lines of Sheldon's: 

I left the conversation drop, avoiding the soreness of the topic. And then TV blasts with the premiere of a new TV show called “Strong”. Thanks a bunch Sylvester Stallone and NBC! Hubbie does not watch reality tv! Or at least he claims not to. But he didn’t change the channel and started watching. At this point I starting fearing repercussions of such an exposure to exercise, effort and will.

And then the inevitable happened… He got me doing sit-ups and push-ups and stretches… And the promise that we would start doing them every day! NOOOOOO! Maybe it is a passing fancy and he forgets all about it by this afternoon… Or he won’t and I have to prepare for some more exercising non-existent muscles. Not sore today, which was a nice surprise in the morning! Not going to tell him tough, or the number of sequences and repeats will raise exponentially!

Wish me luck…