This is just the online diary of a Portuguese girl living abroad!
Disclaimer: all views and posts are just thoughts and feelings, this is like a diary. Comments are encouraged, but judgments not so much.
All OK, stress out, pain still in! I have to face it: pain will be my company for the next few months, just need to deal with it!
And now i am much more happier and ready to have nothing to say again...
That was my window back at my other workplace... and the i actually believed in love and all that then... I wonder if I would do the same now? I have a yellow duck/rabbit/orangotang (it's a puppet my niece gave me) sitting near teddy, but i don't think they'll make a couple! Go figure this one out?
Ok, I’m not going to stress about this! I’ll act mature and grown up… I’ll just go to the hospital tomorrow, because my doctor felt that the monster that currently lives around my ankle is important enough for him to leave the OR and come to see me… He will just say I’m freaking with no reason and send me back home. Then I’ll laugh about all of it, and keep glancing at it to see if I can recognize my ankle there… one day!
To be honest I’m actually freaking, but no point in that… This is just normal… Swollen ankle and sore leg seem like reasonable symptoms… I wish!
On a different topic:
……
Oh gosh! My mind is emptier then usual! I’m not obsessing over it, I just have an empty mind… I probably will end this post and check my farm in Facebook… I don’t even need to explain, because nearly everyone has one these days, and who doesn’t probably heard obsessed friends discussing it… Actually the thing is a phenomenon! People taking care of virtual farms and wishing they became real… But if they did, would the people that log in several times a day to take care of virtual pigs and chickens be able to check their farms once a month? I know I probably wouldn’t… But I’m lazy for farm work! Nice to do things once in a while, but daily?
Back to wondering about doctors and appointments….
I don't like secrets... At least when I don't know them. If I do, I keep them with my life, but if i don't, i can almost give my life in return. It's a childish thing, as many others I have and plan on keeping. This week I got a secret by mail. Regular mail, the one that makes us open letters and smile with anticipation on the content (apart from bank letters that usually happens to me…) This was it:
It made me smile. A lot. It still does every time I look at it (and believe me, that happens often). I know the sender won’t see this, but I wanted to leave him an online thank you… So thank you B., loved your secret
Uma coisa é preguiça, mas isto é abusivo... Também devo dizer que não tenho nada para postar aqui... O narcisismo não chega para achar que aquilo que não se passa é digno de ser relatado!
O que me trouxe aqui hoje foi o tédio e a falta do que fazer... Ika estou farta, e o jogos todos do FB ja espremi ao máximo... E como quero continuar o processo de "inchamento" do pé, não me posso permitir ir deitar agora... Até porque não está a chover, pelo que o encanto das mantinhas esmorece um bocadinho...
"138 Mensagens, última publicação a 29/Abr/2009" = "138 messages, last publication at the 29th of April"
I missed publishing something in May... ups... But the point was/is: I don't have anything to say or write!
My mind went blank and all the words went away... I only keep typing random words... that together don't make much sense, but foreign people seem to understand and sometimes laugh at.
Because this year i will make it to get a broken heart 2 times in the same year! I should of just trash it when i had the chance...
This post will have to be in Portuguese for some reasons: a) I can't swear (as in curse) on English and I really NEED to do it; b) The few English speaking person that visit this space have a better image of me than the following; c) I need to write in portuguese!
(Sorry Kenny, I will post an abstract for you at the end of the post)
Aproveito para pedir desculpa aos poucos portugueses que passam por aqui. O que me vai na alma agora e que vou tentar transcrever são conteúdos altamente censuráveis e que dão direito a aviso de conteúdos aquando da entrada neste espaço. Aconselho pessoas mais sensíveis a pararem a leitura por aqui.
Tendo dito todas as advertências a que a boa educação me obriga, segue-se o post propriamente dito:
Eu gosto de um filho da puta de um pentelho que está todo fodido dos cornos! E que, possivelmente sem querer, está a foder os meus também! Claro que é só mesmo a cornadura, porque mesmo quando a oportunidade se deu nasceu ali um gélido muro de Berlim que nem com muita maquinaria pesada alguem conseguiria derrubar. O referido indivíduo tem uma pentelhinha e nem à pergunta de como está a saúde da dita teve a decência de responder. Deve estar muito ocupado a jogar... ah espera, é a trabalhar... deve ser deve. Acredito nisso tanto quanto no coelhinho da páscoa. E agora, como se não bastasse isso para me lixar, vem a puta da minha chefe a descarregar as frustações em cima de mim? Já não me chega a cara de cu que ela insiste em trazer a descoberto quanto mais aturar-lhe as merdas?! Vá levar no ** se quiser, vá atrás do marido se acha que ele lhe põe os cornos, pinte-se, vá à fava, mas por favor páre de me foder o juízo que já me estou a passar e o caminho até a porta de entrada é muito mais curto que o caminho para lhe partir as trombas!
@kenny: I'm a bit pissed of with my boss and with the guy that i like. and I insulted them a bit on the post....
I would like to feel happy words to post here. I wish I had all those butterflies hanging around and making me feel so filled with happiness that I could just burst. But I don’t! Sorry about that! And I’m really trying! So these are my plans: a) ignore the pain; b) remove heart and feelings c) lock it in some hidden safe somewhere d) throw away the key e) move on f) forget all about it g) stay alive without the heart h) get a ship i) sail there and arrive to the end of the world j) meet Johnny Deep there k) become a pirate l) wake up m) drink some coffee n) start all over again
Because today I don’t feel like writing in English, but I still do it. For some reason words seem easier to be said, and the odds from someone from work reading them and understanding what I’m saying drops to a value very near zero…
I’m so full of feelings that I simply can’t talk about them! At least the good ones, those that are unknown to me and that I’m trying to figure out eventually.
One day I’ll make it, alone or with help.
But I also have some bad ones around… Re. work mainly… I think I might have the worst boss ever! I’m quite sure of it to be honest! He’s the one that after only 10 minutes around can make me have no will of working or making any effort to do something. 5 e-mail’s on a row? Each worst than the previous? Give us a break! Some people should just stay in bed all day long…
I’m not in the mood… I’ll go and google something… or just play a bit…
Wednesday, February 11, 2009
One day I'll learn how to sleep properly... going to sleep early and waking up early, alive and ready to go... For now I'll do this "staying up late - being a zombie the next day" thing...
This is the song for me! I can feel every note and every beat of it!
Lyrics (to sing along):
This time, I wonder what it feels like To find the one in this life, the one we all dream of But dreams just aren't enough So I'll be waiting for the real thing, I'll know it by the feeling The moment when we're meeting, will play out like a scene Straight off the silver screen So I'll be holding my own breath, right up 'til the end Until that moment when, I find the one that I'll spend forever with
'Cause nobody wants to be the last one there 'Cause everyone wants to feel like someone cares Someone to love with my life in their hands There's gotta be somebody for me like that 'Cause nobody wants to do it on their own And everyone wants to know they're not alone There's somebody else that feels the same somewhere There's gotta be somebody for me out there
Tonight, out on the street, out in the moonlight And dammit this feels too right, it's just like déjà vu Me standing here with you So I'll be holding my own breath, could this be the end Is it that moment when, I find the one that I'll spend forever with
'Cause nobody wants to be the last one there 'Cause everyone wants to feel like someone cares Someone to love with my life in their hands There's gotta be somebody for me like that 'Cause nobody wants to do it on their own And everyone wants to know they're not alone There's somebody else that feels the same somewhere There's gotta be somebody for me out there
You can't give up, looking for a diamond in the rough You never know, when it shows up, make sure you're holding on 'Cause it could be the one, the one you're waiting on 'Cause nobody wants to be the last one there And everyone wants to feel like someone cares Someone to love with my life in their hands There's gotta be somebody for me, ohhh
Nobody wants to do it on their own And everyone wants to know they're not alone There's somebody else that feels the same somewhere There's gotta be somebody for me out there Nobody wants to be the last one there 'Cause everyone wants to feel like someone cares There's somebody else that feels the same somewhere There's gotta be somebody for me out there
Wednesday, February 04, 2009
Today I actually worked hard!
And this sentence alone could make a post… I felt this urge to solve those annoying problems that keep popping and I keep delaying over and over again. And so I did. Apart from some lost (and now found) papers, everything was sorted out. And tomorrow, if nothing new or too boring shows up, I’ll have a very long day… No point in logging in my Msn account dozens of times during the day… the mail I wanted to see there will only arrive next week… Some people actually go abroad on work trips… should do something like that!!! In the meanwhile, I’m stuck answering boring phone calls… and hearing the rain fall without a blanket and a good book with me…
(Remember I'm Portuguese, so my brain sometimes works in Portuguese too...)
"Ser poeta é ser mais alto, é ser maior Do que os homens! Morder como quem beija! É ser mendigo e dar como quem seja Rei do Reino de Aquém e de Além Dor!
É ter de mil desejos o esplendor E não saber sequer que se deseja! É ter cá dentro um astro que flameja, É ter garras e asas de condor!
É ter fome, é ter sede de Infinito! Por elmo, as manhãs de oiro e de cetim... É condensar o mundo num só grito!
E é amar-te, assim, perdidamente... É seres alma, e sangue, e vida em mim E dizê-lo cantando a toda a gente!" (Florbela Espanca)
It’s raining outside and I’m warm and cosy in my bed. My favourite windows in the computer are open.
And all I can think is “how is he?”… And yet I don’t call or text him… And the curiosity is killing me… more like a concern I think… How is Songoku… Susanita, the timing of the question couldn’t be more accurate… how is he I wonder…
For the first time real life got in the way of Ikariam. And I don’t care if attacks have to be sent. I don’t care about war or little things involving units or fleet. I don’t care if the entire alliance has to wait until I’m home. It was meant to be today. If they decided to wait 48h why not 60?! Next Wednesday I can't do it!!! I have to go and get some more butterflies…
Ps... ok, I care a bit... or a lot... but I just realized that RL makes me happier sometimes…
Never in my life had I logged in as often in my hotmail account. Not even when I used it to access Msn.
Strange ways connect people these days. An e-mail can turn our world upside down…
But I don’t want to talk about that now, just remembered saying it for starter.
This weekend I brought work to do at home (different payment, of course) and I realized I can actually work these 2 days!!! Way better than do nothing or just housework! So… I want a part-time for the weekend! Anyone has an idea on what to do?
There was a moment when she realized that she wrote more words in English than in Portuguese. And that she had stopped thinking in Portuguese. Her mind had switched off and now the only words that came out were in a different language than the one she learned while growing up. That must have been happening for a long time now. No other thing could explain the lack of communication between her and the rest of the world. At least to her own world. She couldn’t communicate to the person she was or thought she was. So she started using the international language… maybe this way she could understand herself and get what she was reading…
Human relationships suck!!! Or the absence of them sucks! Or the need to have one is the thing that truly sucks… Isn’t there a normal decent guy around to make me believe again? That love can exist? And I don’t mean the butterfly’s guy! Because he, as all the good guys I know, is already taken! And no, I’m not fond of the idea of sharing…
Today I wanted to go out… In my head I planned on going to see the new Starbucks and invite the friend who told me about it… But for some reason I had to do all this house tasks, because they couldn’t wait for the week or for the night. Just because. So I stayed and didn’t even watch Prison Break…
I’m delaying a thing for as much as I can. And everyday I know that I’m getting worst, and that one of these days I just won’t be able to get up. But I rather delay it and don’t look, as if the problem would just go away…
My father yesterday told me I couldn’t be getting to my 27th birthday… thanks Dad, I know about that… Just can’t turn back time or make it stop, although I actually try. I don’t want to get to that age with so little accomplished. What the hell have I been doing these last years? I know I usually leave things to do on the last minute… but I don’t think I can do it with real life… Can I?
Este ano cheguei atrasada ao ano novo. Não fiz resoluções. Não brindei nem fiz nenhum dos lugares comuns. Porque não me apetecia nem via o sentido em fazê-lo!
Por esse motivo não fiz resoluções. porque se passo um ano inteiro sem conseguir decidir ou resolver seja o que for, não há-de ser numa noite que consigo mudar só porque muda o calendário!!
E pronto, vim só aqui abrir o separador de 2009!!!
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